Since my last blog I have started my new job. I am doing reception for United Drywall/AllWall/Mexi-can/and KDS. It's crazy sometimes. I am in my third week here and it is nice because now they have found more work for me to do. Instead of spending most of my day playing games. I highly enjoy the environment here especially compared to retail but I do miss the pace of retail. I also miss working 5 minutes from my house... rather than an hour long commute (mostly weather related) on the Deerfoot, and my lower tax bracket.
Valentines Day:
This was also the one year anniversary of the day that Nic and I became official. Killed two birds with one stone... haha. When I spoke to him on my way into work we decided that we were going to wait until the weekend to celebrate. We had gone to the Flames game with my parents the night before, and because I have to be up for work at 6 everyday two late nights in a row weren't a great idea. But as I was leaving the office, he walked up with a big bouquet of flowers ... pink roses of course.. and white flowers and lots of baby's breath. Aw. We decided that we'd just have a quiet night at home (yeah...right...in my zoo!?). So we just went back to my house.
For Christmas Nic had bought me a white gold and diamond heart shaped pendant necklace. It's very pretty and I am very proud of his taste...but when we were in Panorama over New Years the chain broke in my sleep. So I put the charm on a chain that I had at home. He bought me a brand new white gold chain yesterday for it, making sure to ask the ladies at the jewelry store which chain was the sturdiest. Aw.
Valentines was complete with a night of watching a girly show and How To Deal. and of course a card that brough tears to my eyes.
Maybe it's just enjoyable when you have someone to love.... but single people have 364 other days a year :)
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Inspired by Jenna
Things that I am grateful for in my life right now:
1. An amazing new job opportunity. Tomorrow I start at United Drywall (exciting place for a girl hey?). I will be doing reception for two companies filled with employees that are all atleast 5 years older than me! It will be a learning experience. Especially with a half an hour (on a good day) commute on the Deerfoot twice a day. However I will be making 500.00 per month than I was at Michaels.. and that is definitely worth it.
2. My absolutely amazing boyfriend. With our one year mark just around the corner I have been thinking about this one a ton lately. I am extremely grateful to have found someone who makes me so incredibly happy. Someone who takes the time to do the little things and who takes notice when I do little things for him. Someone who makes me smile great big genuine smiles all the time. A boy who will cook for me... even if it comes out of a box or the freezer. A boy who CALLS ME every day to check up on life. A boy that I can be silly with.
3. My parents. For providing me with a roof over my head, food on the table, guidance, love and support. Even though I am ungrateful towards them at times, right now I'm very happy to have them. For the chance to take the time to figure life out even if it is a slow process.
I may not have all of the answers. Solutions for everything. However these three things are a strong foundation and I am sure the rest will follow.
1. An amazing new job opportunity. Tomorrow I start at United Drywall (exciting place for a girl hey?). I will be doing reception for two companies filled with employees that are all atleast 5 years older than me! It will be a learning experience. Especially with a half an hour (on a good day) commute on the Deerfoot twice a day. However I will be making 500.00 per month than I was at Michaels.. and that is definitely worth it.
2. My absolutely amazing boyfriend. With our one year mark just around the corner I have been thinking about this one a ton lately. I am extremely grateful to have found someone who makes me so incredibly happy. Someone who takes the time to do the little things and who takes notice when I do little things for him. Someone who makes me smile great big genuine smiles all the time. A boy who will cook for me... even if it comes out of a box or the freezer. A boy who CALLS ME every day to check up on life. A boy that I can be silly with.
3. My parents. For providing me with a roof over my head, food on the table, guidance, love and support. Even though I am ungrateful towards them at times, right now I'm very happy to have them. For the chance to take the time to figure life out even if it is a slow process.
I may not have all of the answers. Solutions for everything. However these three things are a strong foundation and I am sure the rest will follow.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Women
god described his creation of woman to an angel:
she must be washable but not made of plastic she must have 200 moving parts which all must be replaceable
she must function on all kinds of foods
she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time
she must give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart, all with only two hands
she must cure herself when sick & she can work 18 hours a day
she must be soft, but made strong - you can't imagine what she can endure & overcome
she must be able to not only think, but reason & negotiate
she must leak tears to express her grief, her doubts, her love, her lonliness, her suffering, & her pride
women have strengths that amaze men:
she can handle trouble & carry heavy burdens
she holds happiness, love, & opinions
she smiles when she feels like screaming
she sings when she feels like crying, cries when she is happy, & laughs when she is afraid
she fights for what she believes in
she stands upagainst injusticeshe doesnt take 'no' for an answer when she can see a better solution
she gives herself so her family can thriveshe takes her friend to the doctor if she is afraid
her love is unconditional
she cries when her kids are victorious
she is happy when her friends do well
she is glad when she hears of a birth or wedding
her heart is broken when a next of kin or friend dies but she finds strength to get on with her life
she knows that a kiss & a hug can heal a broken heart
there is only one thing wrong with her:
she forgets what she is worth
-Annonymous
Monday, September 04, 2006
Love
I love love. and being in love. and falling in love. I love mutual love. can't get enough of eachother love. poking eachother love. lots of little kisses love. always holding hands love. can't fall asleep love. text messages just because love. silly love. tickle fights love. driving vibe love. cuddling lots love. different kind of love. laying in bed talking love. sharing life with him love. surprise dates love. an always changing love. always new love. never ending love.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Nothing much to say
Stampede 2006I know, I am a horrible blogger. To anyone that checks regularly for updates I apologize.
I passed all of my courses and finished high school with atleast 15 credits I didn't need. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do in the next year. At this point I am working fulltime and looking into a few different options. Nic is taking Electrical Engingeering at SAIT starting later this month, and then he is looking into transferring to either University of Victoria or Lakehead (in Thunder Bay) in two years. It is hard to make my plans around that. Preferrably I should retake math for a higher grade, and take another science which would mean starting post secondary either in February, or next September. I might just continue working fulltime, and if we're together and I go with him I can take something there. We're still trying to figure that out.
I am back at Michaels... again. I played around with a couple of other jobs after I finished with exams but I didn't find anything that worked out. The manager at Michaels called me and offered me 'Full Time Lead Supervisor" and a raise to come back.. so I did. It is twice the money per month that I was making a couple of months ago so it's working out for now.
I also finally got my license. It took me two months to go back for my test after failing it back in may.. but I did it. With only 10 points taken off -- for not checking my rear view mirror often enough. Now I'm working on getting my own vehicle. It has definitely made life much easier being able to drive.
I really don't have a whole lot to say, especially for someone who hasn't blogged in two months. But there you have it, a brief update.
Alysha
Monday, May 29, 2006
Grad Pics
Saturday May 27, 2006.
Grandma & Grandpa Eagle and I
Nic, Rebecka (his sister) and I
My parents, Nic and I
Rebecka and I dancing
Nic in Cap and Gown
Nic and I
Shaking the principals hand after the ceremony.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Europe
Europe.. it was definitely a once in a life time experience... full of up's and down's but overall pretty good. I will upload some pictures onto a website and then post the link in a later blog.
Nic and his mom picked me up at 3:00am on the 13th and we were at the airport for 3:30. This was only the beginning of a long and gruesome day of travelling. We had stop overs in Toronto, Halifax, and a breif stop in Newfoundland to pick up passengers. We t just under a full 24 hours travelling before arriving in London. We only spent two days in london, one of which being the day we arrived. While in London we saw Windsor Castle, Westminster Abby, a few cathedrals, attended Mass and went to dinner at a Midevil Banquet.. amongst other sight seeing attractions. It was a busy two days!
Our third day was spent travelling from London to France, via bus and ferry. Nothing too exciting happened on day three. We spent the remainder of our trip in France, seeing all the major tourist points such as The Versailles, Notre Dame, more Cathedrals, The Louvre, Arc de Triumph, Monte se Michael, as well as Juno Beach and the Juno Beach Canadian Memorial. Our time in France was just as rushed as London. Our days were full of many tours, some shopping, and taking in as much french culture as any of us could stand. Evenings were often spent wondering around near the hotel, or playing cards in the lobby.
Our final day in Paris we were given four hours of free time to shop and such. We spent ours trying to find a particular stand on the other side of where we had been... one we never found... but we got lots of sight seeing in that day. After a quick stop at the hotel to change and freshen up we got on the Metro and headed for dinner. After dinner we went on a 'moonlit' cruise down the Seynne river as the sun was setting. Very pretty! We then went up the Eiffel tower. I am not a fan of heights or elevators so I was really happy to get back down down but the view was amazing... and kisses at the top were pretty awesome as well. We then headed back to the hotel to pack our bags and catch a few hours of sleep.
We began our venture home at 2:00 am Calgary time on the 22nd and arrived home at 6:00pm. Another long and gruesome day of travelling. Starting with 5 hours spent at the Paris airport. Someone had left their bag unattended and people had to be brought in to make sure there wasn't a bomb or anything in it. In total our flight was delayed two hours, which pushed our connecting flight in Toronto back as well. I had a horrible cold at this point, and found the flying very difficult. I could not sleep because I was either too congested, or constantly blowing my nose and if I did manage to fall asleep it was for very short periods of time. It was definitely a relief to land in Calgary.
I don't think that I would head back to Europe right away.. or atleast not under the same cirumstances. I would much rather go to an all-inclusive resort for a week. However for the money it cost it was a fairly good trip and I'm glad I went.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
A Year of Changes
I am sitting here 'dog-sitting' Nic's dog who is asleep and watching the hockey game and I thought to myself, "what a perfect blogging opportunity this is". So there you go.. for the first time in almost three months you're going to get an update. Originally I wanted to write this blog on my birthday but I've been crazy busy this week so although it revolves around 'being a year older and wiser' it's a few days late.
A year ago if you had asked me what I wanted for my birthday I would have replied, without a doubt "him back"- him being Mark. I also would have asked to be living elsewhere, and of course for other small materialistic things. When faced with the same question this year I didn't have an answer for anybody. Oh how frustrated they all were with me! Funny how much difference a year makes.
Turning 18 was a fairly big deal. Of course there was the obvious factors such as legally being able to drink. But turning 18 wasn't about that for me. In fact this weekend is my first official weekend as an adult and I can honestly say that in the past week I haven't had a single drop of alcohol. Not to say that I won't in the future but it hasn't been a priority. As soon as the clock struck 12 to signal the end of sunday and the beginning of monday I of course changed my age on a few websites but the first thing I did as an adult was apply for my own air miles card. Small and insignificant but being able to do that was a big deal for me.
Over the past year I've learned to take notice of the small things. I've always been relatively low maintainence but in the back of my mind kept high expectations for myself and those around me. Overcoming this is one of my biggest accomplishments. I realized that I didn't need a guy in my life after a messy break up with Mark then a failed attempt at rekindling a jr. high relationship. I was perfectly content to do things like go and swing at the park talking with my girls. Of course this didn't last long as I soon begun my long persuit of Nic.
I learned that it was more important to take the time (and trust me it was a fair bit of time for two high school students) to really get to know Nic before taking that step into a relationship again. I knew from the first day that I met him that one day I would get to call him mine - but it took 108 days (not that I was counting) for that day to come. If I could go back in time, I would gladly repeat every one of those days and I would do things in the exact same order. Taking the time to notice and appreciate the little things, that were done as friends that most people want in a relationship and just enjoying each others company. A lesson I wish I could have learned earlier as the reward has been nothing short of amazing.
I have learned that it's okay to step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. I still struggle daily with worrying too much in social situations but I've branched out more this year. Attending school events was a small part of that in the beginning and now in 5 days I will be boarding a plan with over 3 dozen of my classmates and teachers. If someone had suggested the trip to me a year ago I would have flat out refused because I did not want to meet new people.
Originally I refused to move out of my parents home until I could afford a mortgage but I have slowly come to realize that no one can at 18 and have come to peace with the idea of renting. At 16/17 I wanted nothing more than to move out and although the feeling is still stronger I've realized that it will be a huge commitment and that I'm not in as big of a hurry as I once was. I do not plan to move out until the fall at the earliest but it's another one of those fun adult decisions.
There you have it... a relatively brief update on life in it's current state but an update non-the-less.
A year ago if you had asked me what I wanted for my birthday I would have replied, without a doubt "him back"- him being Mark. I also would have asked to be living elsewhere, and of course for other small materialistic things. When faced with the same question this year I didn't have an answer for anybody. Oh how frustrated they all were with me! Funny how much difference a year makes.
Turning 18 was a fairly big deal. Of course there was the obvious factors such as legally being able to drink. But turning 18 wasn't about that for me. In fact this weekend is my first official weekend as an adult and I can honestly say that in the past week I haven't had a single drop of alcohol. Not to say that I won't in the future but it hasn't been a priority. As soon as the clock struck 12 to signal the end of sunday and the beginning of monday I of course changed my age on a few websites but the first thing I did as an adult was apply for my own air miles card. Small and insignificant but being able to do that was a big deal for me.
Over the past year I've learned to take notice of the small things. I've always been relatively low maintainence but in the back of my mind kept high expectations for myself and those around me. Overcoming this is one of my biggest accomplishments. I realized that I didn't need a guy in my life after a messy break up with Mark then a failed attempt at rekindling a jr. high relationship. I was perfectly content to do things like go and swing at the park talking with my girls. Of course this didn't last long as I soon begun my long persuit of Nic.
I learned that it was more important to take the time (and trust me it was a fair bit of time for two high school students) to really get to know Nic before taking that step into a relationship again. I knew from the first day that I met him that one day I would get to call him mine - but it took 108 days (not that I was counting) for that day to come. If I could go back in time, I would gladly repeat every one of those days and I would do things in the exact same order. Taking the time to notice and appreciate the little things, that were done as friends that most people want in a relationship and just enjoying each others company. A lesson I wish I could have learned earlier as the reward has been nothing short of amazing.
I have learned that it's okay to step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. I still struggle daily with worrying too much in social situations but I've branched out more this year. Attending school events was a small part of that in the beginning and now in 5 days I will be boarding a plan with over 3 dozen of my classmates and teachers. If someone had suggested the trip to me a year ago I would have flat out refused because I did not want to meet new people.
Originally I refused to move out of my parents home until I could afford a mortgage but I have slowly come to realize that no one can at 18 and have come to peace with the idea of renting. At 16/17 I wanted nothing more than to move out and although the feeling is still stronger I've realized that it will be a huge commitment and that I'm not in as big of a hurry as I once was. I do not plan to move out until the fall at the earliest but it's another one of those fun adult decisions.
There you have it... a relatively brief update on life in it's current state but an update non-the-less.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
A random update?
It has been a very long time since I wrote a blog that goes into some detail. So for those of you who actually read my blog... here you go.
Life has been crazy busy lately! It is unbelievable. A few weeks ago I decided that I would join my school on a trip to Europe over spring break. I am super excited! However I've started learning just how much stuff like that costs. The trip itself is an excellant deal, but as a full time student working part time... making that money has not been too easy. I had to pick up a lot of extra hours in december at work, and when January 4th came around it was very sad to see my bank balance drop from over two thousand dollars, down to thirty-six cents.
It is really weird to not have money at my disposal these days. I haven't had less than 500.00 in the bank in the past year. *sigh*... definitely looking forward to the end of the month when the bills are paid off and I can start saving again.
On the topic of January. It is exam month. Although unlike the majority of my peers, I am not stressed about my diploma exams... it will be nice when all the studying and preparation is done with and I can have a week off to just relax. I have exams in Biology 30 and Social 30, on top of finishing off my optional courses. In february I begin Math 30 and English 30-1. I am debating dropping 'Marketing and Management' for Legal Studies advanced. I am also looking to pick up Psychology 30 through ADL or Chinook College. I am considering going for a degree in sociology, then working with the homeless. If this fails, I'll have a decent transcript for a dental assistant.
So many choices to make right now. My 18th birthday is in April, and I am trying to figure out life outside of my parents home. Who knew that just looking into buying a house could be so stressful! I definitely will not be able to move out at my current salary. Which means that once school is finished in June I have to start looking into better paying full time jobs. Oh the joys of growing up!
On a more fun note... I have met a new boy. Many of you have heard about him, and some of you even got to see pictures at christmas dinner... haha. However for those of you that haven't had that priveldge. We met at the beginning of the year through school -- and apparently our grandparents knew eachother way back in the day. We met in person at a few mutual friend events, and we've been talking ever since. He amazes me. It is so refreshing to hang out with someone just for the sake of hanging out, to be able to do the little things for hours and not get tired of eachother. We spent New Years eve together, and I could not have asked for a better night. As mentioned in an earlier blog. We went to a movie last weekend, and even though it wasn't an official date he insisted on paying for both tickets and snacks -- again something that I am not use to. See blog on 'perfection'. It was so nice to be out with someone, without any pressure to be anything. We've got a few plans coming up, and I am sure they will be just as nice.
All in all life is pretty awesome right now :)
Life has been crazy busy lately! It is unbelievable. A few weeks ago I decided that I would join my school on a trip to Europe over spring break. I am super excited! However I've started learning just how much stuff like that costs. The trip itself is an excellant deal, but as a full time student working part time... making that money has not been too easy. I had to pick up a lot of extra hours in december at work, and when January 4th came around it was very sad to see my bank balance drop from over two thousand dollars, down to thirty-six cents.
It is really weird to not have money at my disposal these days. I haven't had less than 500.00 in the bank in the past year. *sigh*... definitely looking forward to the end of the month when the bills are paid off and I can start saving again.
On the topic of January. It is exam month. Although unlike the majority of my peers, I am not stressed about my diploma exams... it will be nice when all the studying and preparation is done with and I can have a week off to just relax. I have exams in Biology 30 and Social 30, on top of finishing off my optional courses. In february I begin Math 30 and English 30-1. I am debating dropping 'Marketing and Management' for Legal Studies advanced. I am also looking to pick up Psychology 30 through ADL or Chinook College. I am considering going for a degree in sociology, then working with the homeless. If this fails, I'll have a decent transcript for a dental assistant.
So many choices to make right now. My 18th birthday is in April, and I am trying to figure out life outside of my parents home. Who knew that just looking into buying a house could be so stressful! I definitely will not be able to move out at my current salary. Which means that once school is finished in June I have to start looking into better paying full time jobs. Oh the joys of growing up!
On a more fun note... I have met a new boy. Many of you have heard about him, and some of you even got to see pictures at christmas dinner... haha. However for those of you that haven't had that priveldge. We met at the beginning of the year through school -- and apparently our grandparents knew eachother way back in the day. We met in person at a few mutual friend events, and we've been talking ever since. He amazes me. It is so refreshing to hang out with someone just for the sake of hanging out, to be able to do the little things for hours and not get tired of eachother. We spent New Years eve together, and I could not have asked for a better night. As mentioned in an earlier blog. We went to a movie last weekend, and even though it wasn't an official date he insisted on paying for both tickets and snacks -- again something that I am not use to. See blog on 'perfection'. It was so nice to be out with someone, without any pressure to be anything. We've got a few plans coming up, and I am sure they will be just as nice.
All in all life is pretty awesome right now :)
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Perfection.
Late night movie, silly fights over the arm-rest, giving in and sharing, numb arms, too comfortable to move, singing along to the radio, cuddeling, tickle fights, first kisses, falling asleep, waking up with him, long good-byes in the car, big hugs, lots of kisses. *sigh* perfection.
Monday, January 02, 2006
New Years
Skating past the point of numb fingers. Hot chocolate made the right way with dozens of mini marshmallows. Flames vs. Oilers. Leaning on eachother watching the virtual fire for log changes. Popcorn fights . Squishing eachother on the couch. Conversations about nothing and everything at the same time. Being comfortably close. Falling asleep but putting off good night until he's kicked out by dad. I'll take that over a party any day.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Timing
You look for his screen name, the moment you sign online, every time the phone rings, you look for his name on the caller id before answering. Knowing he'll be at the next group event, puts a smile on your face, and a simple hello erases a bad day. You think about him constantly, your friends have seen every picture, and your co-workers know his life story. He's your first thought in the morning, and the last one before you go to bed. But he's just a friend. Your confident in good times and bad, the one who holds your hair back after too much to drink at a party, and the one helping you sort out high school's drama. To him you're the nice girl he hangs out with from time to time, to you he's everything. You want to cross the line, but the ball is still in his court.
How do you know when the moment is right? If you find that moment, how do you know that this will be worth risking your friendship? Is it better to stay comfortable and safe in friendship, or jump into the unknown territory of a relationship? Could you live without him in your life, will he be erased when the next cute guy comes along? Picture your life 30 years from now: is he the one holding your hand, as you head home to your empty house, after leaving the oldest at university... or the guy sitting across from you discussing Johnson's math class at your high school reunion.
There may never be a right moment. You have to stop asking questions and just do it. The moment you decide to put everything on the line and just ask. Knowing you could ruin your friendship, but hoping that it will be worth it this time, that's the right moment.
How do you know when the moment is right? If you find that moment, how do you know that this will be worth risking your friendship? Is it better to stay comfortable and safe in friendship, or jump into the unknown territory of a relationship? Could you live without him in your life, will he be erased when the next cute guy comes along? Picture your life 30 years from now: is he the one holding your hand, as you head home to your empty house, after leaving the oldest at university... or the guy sitting across from you discussing Johnson's math class at your high school reunion.
There may never be a right moment. You have to stop asking questions and just do it. The moment you decide to put everything on the line and just ask. Knowing you could ruin your friendship, but hoping that it will be worth it this time, that's the right moment.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Take it or leave it
You can call me lysh. I've been alive and kicking for seventeen years. Born and raised in Calgary. Graduating in 2006 from s.p.a.(online school). I am pretty down to earth most of the time. But don't take me seriously. I believe that there is a God, though I struggle with my faith sometimes. I have been the goody two shoes, I've been the girl who deserves to go to hell. I'm trying to get back to church on a regular basis, and everything else. Hit a dry spell for a while.I probably couldn't care less about brand name clothes and labels. I own a couple things from American Eagle, Roxy and Hurley but I'm just as comfortable in my Walmart jeans and a t-shirt from Stiches. I love dressing up, but I'm also content in PJ pants and a hoodie. I like everyone until given a reason not to and even then I'll give you a decent shot. Unless you piss me off from the beginning, and you'll know when you do. Parties are fun on occasion, but I'd rather spend a lazy evening watching movies and cuddeling than out with a large group of people. I'd love to say that I'm wise beyond my years, but I'd be lieing. I've gone through a lot in the past few years, things that have shaped who I am now, but sometimes I'm still as lost and confused as the next person. What happens happens, and life goes on though. I have a bad habit of holding on to my past, and it always comes out at the worst times. Often it pushes people away, I'm working on that too. I've been in love a few times, but as of now I am waiting for my prince charming. Though I am waiting for him, I am not really looking. I'm not ready for another relationship right now, I don't have the time, or emotional strength to put into a relationship right now. I have no idea how to be a good girlfriend, I don't even know who I am on my own most of the time. My past relationships and friendships have suffered because of that. However when that prince does come around he better remember that chocolate and flowers are okay but green tea and monopoly pieces from McDonalds are better. I won't talk to you if you can't keep up your end of the conversation, I don't enjoy talking to myself. My parents approval plays a part in my decision, and I do have boundaries. Currently I'm living at home with my three younger sisters, my parents and our zoo full of pets. Once I finish high school, I plan to move out if I am able to make enough money. My family mean a lot to me, I bitch and complain about them more than I should, but deep down I know I couldn't survive without them. This has been the biggest factor in some relationships. I've got it sorted out now, it only took three years. I don't have my future figured out, it will come to me in time. In kindergarten they all wanted to be doctors, and lawyers so they could save the world. I didn't know what I wanted to be. Now I'd love to work with the homeless, start something like the Mustard Seed or the Dream Centre. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that what goes around comes around. Anything else, just ask.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
DVD Club
So I am apart of this DVD club. I paid 49cent for each of my first 5 DVD's and now if I buy one DVD for 19.98 I get unlimited DVD's after that for 50% off. It's pretty sweet. I get to pay for my DVD's when they are delivered, if they are in the condition I expected, though my bank account. No credit cards required. If I get a DVD sent to me that I didn't ask for, I just have to return it and I will be credited to my account. So far I have bought 8 dvds for under 80.00 total cost. All releases from 2000-2005.
They also have a music club, the first 12 cd's are free. Same deal as the DVD club. Cool hey? Definitely smart for the DVD fanatic.
I signed up for the club at http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=19980695 if any of you are interested. Follow the links to "Columbia House".
Love,
Me :)
They also have a music club, the first 12 cd's are free. Same deal as the DVD club. Cool hey? Definitely smart for the DVD fanatic.
I signed up for the club at http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=19980695 if any of you are interested. Follow the links to "Columbia House".
Love,
Me :)
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Dear Boy, Dear Girl
Dear Boy,
I am sorry that I couldn't be everything you expected. For not holding up my end of things, or providing the entertainment I should have. I'm sorry that things slowed down after the summer. I am sorry for the drama. I really wanted things to work this time. I wanted to believe that everything was better. That I was invisible, and that it would all just dissapear. It didn't, until it was too late. I'm sorry for not being supportive enough. For making you feel like you couldn't talk to me. I was always here, waiting to listen. I would have pushed my stuff away in an instant. I'm sorry that things came to this. For making you feel like you couldn't do anything but get out. I am sorry for the things that you go through, even though I didn't cause them and I can't fix them. You don't deserve to feel pain, or burden. You're too good for that. I am sorry for making you feel like you can't trust me, I would never intentionally hurt you. I hope you understand that now. Most of all I'm sorry that I let you down, that this fell apart.I know this won't change things, but I had to tell you anyway. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I'm sorry for hurting you.
Love Girl.
_________________________________________________________
Dear Girl,
Know that you never let me down. Know that I care about you. Know that it wasn't the lack of "entertainment." It was me and I need to find out what I want for me and whether thats best for you or not it will be best for me and know that you never hurt me, its the other way around. Know that I can't ever rely on anyone myself or share whats on the inside. My own insecurities are what pushed me away not anything you said or did or had go on. Its my fault that I let it come to this. I'm sorry.
The Boy
________________________________________________________
Dear boy,
I know. Deep down somewhere I understand it all. Well parts of it atleast. You did what you had to do, what works for you right now. I have no reason to judge you for that. I don't plan to. Please know that I'm still here, in whatever way you need me to be. Always.
Girl.
I am sorry that I couldn't be everything you expected. For not holding up my end of things, or providing the entertainment I should have. I'm sorry that things slowed down after the summer. I am sorry for the drama. I really wanted things to work this time. I wanted to believe that everything was better. That I was invisible, and that it would all just dissapear. It didn't, until it was too late. I'm sorry for not being supportive enough. For making you feel like you couldn't talk to me. I was always here, waiting to listen. I would have pushed my stuff away in an instant. I'm sorry that things came to this. For making you feel like you couldn't do anything but get out. I am sorry for the things that you go through, even though I didn't cause them and I can't fix them. You don't deserve to feel pain, or burden. You're too good for that. I am sorry for making you feel like you can't trust me, I would never intentionally hurt you. I hope you understand that now. Most of all I'm sorry that I let you down, that this fell apart.I know this won't change things, but I had to tell you anyway. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I'm sorry for hurting you.
Love Girl.
_________________________________________________________
Dear Girl,
Know that you never let me down. Know that I care about you. Know that it wasn't the lack of "entertainment." It was me and I need to find out what I want for me and whether thats best for you or not it will be best for me and know that you never hurt me, its the other way around. Know that I can't ever rely on anyone myself or share whats on the inside. My own insecurities are what pushed me away not anything you said or did or had go on. Its my fault that I let it come to this. I'm sorry.
The Boy
________________________________________________________
Dear boy,
I know. Deep down somewhere I understand it all. Well parts of it atleast. You did what you had to do, what works for you right now. I have no reason to judge you for that. I don't plan to. Please know that I'm still here, in whatever way you need me to be. Always.
Girl.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Girls.
Well it's been a month of change in my life, so I'll try to update you all with as little complication as possible.
Back in July an aquaintance of mine, Sarah threw a party while her parents were out of town. Well because at the time we were best friends, I thought I'd go because it was important to her that I go. Well it obviously wasn't important enough to her, to stand up for me when I needed someone the most. I had planned on having a couple of coolers and nothing more because there's never a good reason to get drunk. Anyway after I had finished off my pack of four 'Mikes Hard Lime' a friend of mine handed me another two drinks. Well I don't drink often, so after my four, and definitely after the sixth drink I was not really in a position to go anywhere or do much more than sit on the couch. Which I had been doing, with the before mentioned friend. Sarah wanted to start a game of spin the bottle, but Jason (the friend) had other motives. I won't go in to details, but the next couple of hours were not pretty. Sarah doesn't think that it should be her problem. So on my parents request and my own feelings, Sarah and I haven't spoken often in the past couple of months.
After that, Heather decided to come back into my life. I guess it was my lucky couple of weeks, until she got bored. Heather isn't always the nicest person, she has a lot of stuff built up, and her way of release is often to 'bully' other people. One day her and her friend decided to write a really nasty message to Sarah on the website www.nexopia.com and post a picture of Sarah in her bathing suit along with it. As Sarah knew that I had been talking to Heather, I didn't want her thinking that I had anything to do with it. So I sent Sarah a message telling her that although we weren't talking, she didn't deserve having that written about her, and that I had nothing to do with. Heather got really mad and she responded to a previous blog I have posted on my own nexopia account. She spent half a page, putting me down and throwing things that have happened in my life at me, etc. Needless to say we too have not spoken in a month.
I am not too upset about either of these occurances, after all they happen every day right? It's normal at this age to bicker with your girlfriends, and not talk for a few days or months at a time. Atleast I hope so. It's not normal though to no longer have a single female friend. Someone to spend friday nights with, reading over a magazine with a chick flick in the background, pigging out on junk food, and talking about your boyfriends. Someone who tags along to your boyfriend's hockey game, keeping you company as you play the role of the supportive girlfriend. Someone to go to for advice, even just for hair and make up tips. Someone to blow your paychecks at the mall with. As much as I'd like to say that I'm okay with this, I'm not. I miss it, more than I ever thought I would.
Sure I have plenty of guy friends, but it isn't the same. I can't talk to them about how 'hot' someone else is, or get clothing advice. I definitely cannot have sleepovers with them, and they'll look awfully silly in a bridesmaid dress.
Why do girls have to be so dramatic? Are we so wrapped up in ourselves and fitting in that we'll do anything to achieve social security. And why does a falling out with a girlfriend leave us more hurt than the end of a two year relationship with a boy?
Back in July an aquaintance of mine, Sarah threw a party while her parents were out of town. Well because at the time we were best friends, I thought I'd go because it was important to her that I go. Well it obviously wasn't important enough to her, to stand up for me when I needed someone the most. I had planned on having a couple of coolers and nothing more because there's never a good reason to get drunk. Anyway after I had finished off my pack of four 'Mikes Hard Lime' a friend of mine handed me another two drinks. Well I don't drink often, so after my four, and definitely after the sixth drink I was not really in a position to go anywhere or do much more than sit on the couch. Which I had been doing, with the before mentioned friend. Sarah wanted to start a game of spin the bottle, but Jason (the friend) had other motives. I won't go in to details, but the next couple of hours were not pretty. Sarah doesn't think that it should be her problem. So on my parents request and my own feelings, Sarah and I haven't spoken often in the past couple of months.
After that, Heather decided to come back into my life. I guess it was my lucky couple of weeks, until she got bored. Heather isn't always the nicest person, she has a lot of stuff built up, and her way of release is often to 'bully' other people. One day her and her friend decided to write a really nasty message to Sarah on the website www.nexopia.com and post a picture of Sarah in her bathing suit along with it. As Sarah knew that I had been talking to Heather, I didn't want her thinking that I had anything to do with it. So I sent Sarah a message telling her that although we weren't talking, she didn't deserve having that written about her, and that I had nothing to do with. Heather got really mad and she responded to a previous blog I have posted on my own nexopia account. She spent half a page, putting me down and throwing things that have happened in my life at me, etc. Needless to say we too have not spoken in a month.
I am not too upset about either of these occurances, after all they happen every day right? It's normal at this age to bicker with your girlfriends, and not talk for a few days or months at a time. Atleast I hope so. It's not normal though to no longer have a single female friend. Someone to spend friday nights with, reading over a magazine with a chick flick in the background, pigging out on junk food, and talking about your boyfriends. Someone who tags along to your boyfriend's hockey game, keeping you company as you play the role of the supportive girlfriend. Someone to go to for advice, even just for hair and make up tips. Someone to blow your paychecks at the mall with. As much as I'd like to say that I'm okay with this, I'm not. I miss it, more than I ever thought I would.
Sure I have plenty of guy friends, but it isn't the same. I can't talk to them about how 'hot' someone else is, or get clothing advice. I definitely cannot have sleepovers with them, and they'll look awfully silly in a bridesmaid dress.
Why do girls have to be so dramatic? Are we so wrapped up in ourselves and fitting in that we'll do anything to achieve social security. And why does a falling out with a girlfriend leave us more hurt than the end of a two year relationship with a boy?
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Dear Boy
Dear Boy
There are many things that I want to tell you, things that you deserve to know, but there are reasons why I can't. Maybe it's insecurities; maybe just my own stupidity. I want you to know that there are areas of my life that I'm not ready to share with you yet. Please don't think you did anything wrong. You didn't.
I want you to know that I am a girl. That regardless of how often you tell me that I am beautiful, sometimes I'll think otherwise. I am insecure in myself, it's not because of you. Though you want to, you can't fix it. I want you to know that I have a fear of eating in front of people. I'm not just starving myself. I don't like social situations. If I act shy around your friends, or pull away, it's not that I don't like them, I'm wondering if they like me.
I want you to know that I'm not always as strong as I act. I cry myself to sleep at night, and I don't always know why. It's silly I know. I don't like drawing attention to myself, because I don't know if I can handle what people think. So if I don't kiss you in public, don't take it personally. I want you to think that I can take care of myself, but I want you to understand that deep down I need to know that you're there too.I want you to know that I'm okay. That you didn't cause of any of this, but at the same time, you might not be able to fix it either. I don't want you to worry about me. It hurts to think that you might.
Most of all I want you to know that even though there's some baggage that comes with me, I'm going to give this all that I can. I'm in it for the long haul if you are. But please don't worry about me. I'm ok. I just wanted you to know.
Love Girl.
There are many things that I want to tell you, things that you deserve to know, but there are reasons why I can't. Maybe it's insecurities; maybe just my own stupidity. I want you to know that there are areas of my life that I'm not ready to share with you yet. Please don't think you did anything wrong. You didn't.
I want you to know that I am a girl. That regardless of how often you tell me that I am beautiful, sometimes I'll think otherwise. I am insecure in myself, it's not because of you. Though you want to, you can't fix it. I want you to know that I have a fear of eating in front of people. I'm not just starving myself. I don't like social situations. If I act shy around your friends, or pull away, it's not that I don't like them, I'm wondering if they like me.
I want you to know that I'm not always as strong as I act. I cry myself to sleep at night, and I don't always know why. It's silly I know. I don't like drawing attention to myself, because I don't know if I can handle what people think. So if I don't kiss you in public, don't take it personally. I want you to think that I can take care of myself, but I want you to understand that deep down I need to know that you're there too.I want you to know that I'm okay. That you didn't cause of any of this, but at the same time, you might not be able to fix it either. I don't want you to worry about me. It hurts to think that you might.
Most of all I want you to know that even though there's some baggage that comes with me, I'm going to give this all that I can. I'm in it for the long haul if you are. But please don't worry about me. I'm ok. I just wanted you to know.
Love Girl.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Deep thinking?
Wow, it has been 3 weeks since I have blogged... yikes. The last blog was not particularily nice either, although I do really feel that way about the individual at times. Anyway, here's an update on life, in a deep thought process.
People are always talking about the 'honeymoon stage' of a relationship ending. The stage when you begin to realize , the commitment you've made, the differences between you and that person, and the struggles of a life with someone else. What is this stage called when you're dating? We all go through it, there's the few months of complete and total bliss then somewhere you hit a rough spot and things never seem to return to the exact way they were in the early months. I tried talking to one of my friends about this, and of course everyone suddenly got concerned about my current relationship. Things are okay, as far as I know, I'm just not sure that everything really is on his end. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions, maybe we're just past those blissful months? Or maybe I'm creating problems out of nothing. Hmm.
Why is it that as humans we find it so hard to be there for the small, day to day things but in the event of a larger problem we'll rush to do what we can. Not just world crisis, or the famine in Africa, but day to day relationships as well. Especially in the teenage years. It is so easy to ignore eachother for weeks on end, but as soon as we hear of a crisis we do what we can to be back in that person's life. Why does it take a crisis? Why can't we all suck up our insecurities, and be there for eachother every day?
On a more positive note... I got my old job back. I am very grateful to the company for giving me a second chance. I was not always the best employee in the 7 months I worked there within the past year, so I was skeptic when I re-applied. Despite my past irresponsibility, the managers didn't give a second thought to rehiring me. I even still have some superiority over many of the front end staff. Right now I'm pretty much a floater, my name tag says 'cashier' but I do Kid's Club, Stock, and Run Errands, as well. It keeps me busy, but I'd rather have more stability. Money is money though, and it's a fairly easy job. One thousand dollars away from buying a car.
School starts again in around 3 or 4 weeks. Grade 12. Scary stuff. I'm excited that this is my last year, but I'm freaked out at the same time. I have no idea what I want to do with my life after high school, and working at Michaels probably won't last forever. Sometimes I wish I was going back to traditional school, but I don't want to try and make friends in my grade 12 year, I'm not outgoing enough for that. Plus online schooling does give me that extra flexibility with work, and day to day business. Once I have my car, I can go visit my friends at school, and I can go to school events and get to know some of the faces behind the screen. Once I figure out my future, grade 12 should be a breeze. Minus those big diploma exams.
'That's all for now folks'.
People are always talking about the 'honeymoon stage' of a relationship ending. The stage when you begin to realize , the commitment you've made, the differences between you and that person, and the struggles of a life with someone else. What is this stage called when you're dating? We all go through it, there's the few months of complete and total bliss then somewhere you hit a rough spot and things never seem to return to the exact way they were in the early months. I tried talking to one of my friends about this, and of course everyone suddenly got concerned about my current relationship. Things are okay, as far as I know, I'm just not sure that everything really is on his end. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions, maybe we're just past those blissful months? Or maybe I'm creating problems out of nothing. Hmm.
Why is it that as humans we find it so hard to be there for the small, day to day things but in the event of a larger problem we'll rush to do what we can. Not just world crisis, or the famine in Africa, but day to day relationships as well. Especially in the teenage years. It is so easy to ignore eachother for weeks on end, but as soon as we hear of a crisis we do what we can to be back in that person's life. Why does it take a crisis? Why can't we all suck up our insecurities, and be there for eachother every day?
On a more positive note... I got my old job back. I am very grateful to the company for giving me a second chance. I was not always the best employee in the 7 months I worked there within the past year, so I was skeptic when I re-applied. Despite my past irresponsibility, the managers didn't give a second thought to rehiring me. I even still have some superiority over many of the front end staff. Right now I'm pretty much a floater, my name tag says 'cashier' but I do Kid's Club, Stock, and Run Errands, as well. It keeps me busy, but I'd rather have more stability. Money is money though, and it's a fairly easy job. One thousand dollars away from buying a car.
School starts again in around 3 or 4 weeks. Grade 12. Scary stuff. I'm excited that this is my last year, but I'm freaked out at the same time. I have no idea what I want to do with my life after high school, and working at Michaels probably won't last forever. Sometimes I wish I was going back to traditional school, but I don't want to try and make friends in my grade 12 year, I'm not outgoing enough for that. Plus online schooling does give me that extra flexibility with work, and day to day business. Once I have my car, I can go visit my friends at school, and I can go to school events and get to know some of the faces behind the screen. Once I figure out my future, grade 12 should be a breeze. Minus those big diploma exams.
'That's all for now folks'.
Monday, July 11, 2005
I must have thought wrong
I must have been kidding myself to think that this would work.
You wouldn't be caught dead in anything other than AE and TNA,
I shop at Stiches and Walmart, though I don't have to.
You're all dolled up in your MAC make-up
I wear 'Wet n wild'.
Your world revolves around you and only you
I don't want a part in mine.
You have everything handed to you on a silver platter.
I've worked hard for every thing I own.
You live your high class private school life.
As I sit at home in my sweatpants.
Drinking, sex and partying fill your evenings and weeknds.
As I sit at home waiting to be invited anywhere.
You are self absorbed, soaking in the party life, in your brand name clothes, driving daddy's car, for what? The desire for people who won't matter to notice you, to give you the time of day. Sleeping with your boyfriend, because of a bet, so you can proudly say "my parent's can't control me", but use it to control him. Do you even know who you are? What you do? The impression you give? The people you are hurting? I sit here hour after hour, waiting for your screen name to pop up or the phone to ring. Sure I don't like hanging out with your friends, but I don't have to.. I'm not friends with them. That shouldn't mean that I don't get to see you. Time is always cut short, because you have to put him first. It's either you or him, no one else matters. As long as your happy, the rest of the world must be to. Right? 'Cause that's how your world works.
Wake up and smell the coffee, the real world doesn't work that way.It must be my fault, I thought it would work.
//I guess opposites don't attract.
You wouldn't be caught dead in anything other than AE and TNA,
I shop at Stiches and Walmart, though I don't have to.
You're all dolled up in your MAC make-up
I wear 'Wet n wild'.
Your world revolves around you and only you
I don't want a part in mine.
You have everything handed to you on a silver platter.
I've worked hard for every thing I own.
You live your high class private school life.
As I sit at home in my sweatpants.
Drinking, sex and partying fill your evenings and weeknds.
As I sit at home waiting to be invited anywhere.
You are self absorbed, soaking in the party life, in your brand name clothes, driving daddy's car, for what? The desire for people who won't matter to notice you, to give you the time of day. Sleeping with your boyfriend, because of a bet, so you can proudly say "my parent's can't control me", but use it to control him. Do you even know who you are? What you do? The impression you give? The people you are hurting? I sit here hour after hour, waiting for your screen name to pop up or the phone to ring. Sure I don't like hanging out with your friends, but I don't have to.. I'm not friends with them. That shouldn't mean that I don't get to see you. Time is always cut short, because you have to put him first. It's either you or him, no one else matters. As long as your happy, the rest of the world must be to. Right? 'Cause that's how your world works.
Wake up and smell the coffee, the real world doesn't work that way.It must be my fault, I thought it would work.
//I guess opposites don't attract.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Grad
Tonight was Steffany's grade 6 grad... exciting eh? Anyway so we're sitting there, in a room full of people we've never met.. to listen to the Janet Johnstone school song... and what all the kids want to be in the future. Then they played a 10 minute video, of pictures and clips from throughout the school year. I started to get teary eyed at this point. Thinking about my days in traditional school.
Since I started cyber schooling, I've realized just how much I miss traditional school. Not just any traditional school though, because I hated my 3 months at Scarlett. How much I missed being at Masters. Seeing my friends every day, friends I'd known since 5th grade, going to Circle Square Ranch every september, walking to the park and the icecream shop at lunch, the way things had been for 4 years. Sure I still talk to most of my friends from Masters, and I hang out with a few of them but it's not the same. I still spend hour after hour day in and day out on my computer. Talking to myself, or the few people I know at St. Pauls. Interacting through a computer screen. I miss the face to face.
Then I got thinking about this coming school year, and grad. I want a real graduation with my friends. Sure I'm going to their grad, but I want to walk across the stage with them.. not just sit in the audience then go to the dance. I don't want to go to a grad, with a bunch of people I've never met... never built relationships with. Grad is supposed to be a celebration of high school, and the good times with friends. Not a certificate for sitting behind a computer.
Regardless of how much I want it though.. it doesn't matter. I'm stuck behind the computer screen for another year.
*Just a useless rant really... but it's a blog*
Since I started cyber schooling, I've realized just how much I miss traditional school. Not just any traditional school though, because I hated my 3 months at Scarlett. How much I missed being at Masters. Seeing my friends every day, friends I'd known since 5th grade, going to Circle Square Ranch every september, walking to the park and the icecream shop at lunch, the way things had been for 4 years. Sure I still talk to most of my friends from Masters, and I hang out with a few of them but it's not the same. I still spend hour after hour day in and day out on my computer. Talking to myself, or the few people I know at St. Pauls. Interacting through a computer screen. I miss the face to face.
Then I got thinking about this coming school year, and grad. I want a real graduation with my friends. Sure I'm going to their grad, but I want to walk across the stage with them.. not just sit in the audience then go to the dance. I don't want to go to a grad, with a bunch of people I've never met... never built relationships with. Grad is supposed to be a celebration of high school, and the good times with friends. Not a certificate for sitting behind a computer.
Regardless of how much I want it though.. it doesn't matter. I'm stuck behind the computer screen for another year.
*Just a useless rant really... but it's a blog*
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