Take it or leave it

You can call me lysh. I've been alive and kicking for seventeen years. Born and raised in Calgary. Graduating in 2006 from s.p.a.(online school). I am pretty down to earth most of the time. But don't take me seriously. I believe that there is a God, though I struggle with my faith sometimes. I have been the goody two shoes, I've been the girl who deserves to go to hell. I'm trying to get back to church on a regular basis, and everything else. Hit a dry spell for a while.I probably couldn't care less about brand name clothes and labels. I own a couple things from American Eagle, Roxy and Hurley but I'm just as comfortable in my Walmart jeans and a t-shirt from Stiches. I love dressing up, but I'm also content in PJ pants and a hoodie. I like everyone until given a reason not to and even then I'll give you a decent shot. Unless you piss me off from the beginning, and you'll know when you do. Parties are fun on occasion, but I'd rather spend a lazy evening watching movies and cuddeling than out with a large group of people. I'd love to say that I'm wise beyond my years, but I'd be lieing. I've gone through a lot in the past few years, things that have shaped who I am now, but sometimes I'm still as lost and confused as the next person. What happens happens, and life goes on though. I have a bad habit of holding on to my past, and it always comes out at the worst times. Often it pushes people away, I'm working on that too. I've been in love a few times, but as of now I am waiting for my prince charming. Though I am waiting for him, I am not really looking. I'm not ready for another relationship right now, I don't have the time, or emotional strength to put into a relationship right now. I have no idea how to be a good girlfriend, I don't even know who I am on my own most of the time. My past relationships and friendships have suffered because of that. However when that prince does come around he better remember that chocolate and flowers are okay but green tea and monopoly pieces from McDonalds are better. I won't talk to you if you can't keep up your end of the conversation, I don't enjoy talking to myself. My parents approval plays a part in my decision, and I do have boundaries. Currently I'm living at home with my three younger sisters, my parents and our zoo full of pets. Once I finish high school, I plan to move out if I am able to make enough money. My family mean a lot to me, I bitch and complain about them more than I should, but deep down I know I couldn't survive without them. This has been the biggest factor in some relationships. I've got it sorted out now, it only took three years. I don't have my future figured out, it will come to me in time. In kindergarten they all wanted to be doctors, and lawyers so they could save the world. I didn't know what I wanted to be. Now I'd love to work with the homeless, start something like the Mustard Seed or the Dream Centre. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that what goes around comes around. Anything else, just ask.

DVD Club

So I am apart of this DVD club. I paid 49cent for each of my first 5 DVD's and now if I buy one DVD for 19.98 I get unlimited DVD's after that for 50% off. It's pretty sweet. I get to pay for my DVD's when they are delivered, if they are in the condition I expected, though my bank account. No credit cards required. If I get a DVD sent to me that I didn't ask for, I just have to return it and I will be credited to my account. So far I have bought 8 dvds for under 80.00 total cost. All releases from 2000-2005.

They also have a music club, the first 12 cd's are free. Same deal as the DVD club. Cool hey? Definitely smart for the DVD fanatic.

I signed up for the club at http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=19980695 if any of you are interested. Follow the links to "Columbia House".

Love,
Me :)

Dear Boy, Dear Girl

Dear Boy,
I am sorry that I couldn't be everything you expected. For not holding up my end of things, or providing the entertainment I should have. I'm sorry that things slowed down after the summer. I am sorry for the drama. I really wanted things to work this time. I wanted to believe that everything was better. That I was invisible, and that it would all just dissapear. It didn't, until it was too late. I'm sorry for not being supportive enough. For making you feel like you couldn't talk to me. I was always here, waiting to listen. I would have pushed my stuff away in an instant. I'm sorry that things came to this. For making you feel like you couldn't do anything but get out. I am sorry for the things that you go through, even though I didn't cause them and I can't fix them. You don't deserve to feel pain, or burden. You're too good for that. I am sorry for making you feel like you can't trust me, I would never intentionally hurt you. I hope you understand that now. Most of all I'm sorry that I let you down, that this fell apart.I know this won't change things, but I had to tell you anyway. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I'm sorry for hurting you.

Love Girl.
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Dear Girl,
Know that you never let me down. Know that I care about you. Know that it wasn't the lack of "entertainment." It was me and I need to find out what I want for me and whether thats best for you or not it will be best for me and know that you never hurt me, its the other way around. Know that I can't ever rely on anyone myself or share whats on the inside. My own insecurities are what pushed me away not anything you said or did or had go on. Its my fault that I let it come to this. I'm sorry.

The Boy
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Dear boy,
I know. Deep down somewhere I understand it all. Well parts of it atleast. You did what you had to do, what works for you right now. I have no reason to judge you for that. I don't plan to. Please know that I'm still here, in whatever way you need me to be. Always.

Girl.