THIS is me

I am me.Do I know entirely who that is?not by any means.for I am ever changing.ever growing. (okay maybe not so much 'growing')developing into something new.little bits at a time.I have never smoked a cigarette.I have never done a single drug.and I'd be more ashamed to tell my kids that I haven't.than if I had.do I understand myself?not usually.I am ever confusing.What I want changes constantly.on a daily basis even.it's hard to keep up.I hate chocolate.except on the day that mother nature visits.and only in the form of chocolate chip cookies.Chips are my comfort food.so is Arby's 4 for 6 deal.I can keep up drinking with the boys.until you give me a glass of red wine.I am a young woman.short, and tiny but full of personality.self-conscious and at times overly anxious.I make mistakes and choices that I shouldn't.I push people away.I bring people into easily. Trust until I can't trust anymore.I let myself get hurt.and I beat myself up for it.I like to take up the entire bed.unless you want to cuddle.then I sleep right on the edge.when I was little I insisted on sleeping in a thin nightgown with my too small blanket.now I sleep in pants and a tank topwith two comforters.I am an overachiever.I set ridiculous expectations for myself.and lower my standards of everyone else.I am scared of failing.I take it personally when things around me go wrong.and I will fight to the death in hopes that "things will get better".so that I am not giving up.I listen to ridiculous amounts of country music.but I thoroughly enjoy blaring cheesy rap at red lights.I watch as many Flames games as possible.and I will not cheer on the oilers or the canucks under any circumstances.I read post secret every sunday morning.just to see if someone shares mine.I am quirky.I do not like peanut butter.and I hate drinking milk.but I love peanut butter on toast for breakfast.with a glass of milk to wash it down.Meatballs and meatloaf disgust me.but I love hamburgers.I did not grow up in a touchy feely house.and I was bullied throughout junior high.affection scares me.loves scares me.and I don't like to show emotion.I wear my heart on my sleeve.I don't drink coffee.I use filtered water for my tea.and tap water for your coffee.Caffeine upsets my stomach.so does sugar.I do not know what I believe in.I have faith in a higher being.but I question everything.I cannot stand religion.and I do not believe in humanity.If I don't want to do something.I am extremely stubborn. or silent until something else is suggested.I don't like to speak my mind.I don't vote.but I am very opinionated.I need my space.and freedom to choose.and I will get it willingly or not.I don't listen to people very well.I'd rather learn the hard way.I let my past influence my future.I am terrified of change.and elevators, boats, and snakes.I believe that a good book and a cup of tea can solve any bad day.I believe that TV does depict real life.I am a sister, a daughter, granddaughter and friend.a lover, a hater, a girlfriend, an ex, a thing of the past.There are a dozen different labels for what I am.but this...THIS is Me.