Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

First off: Congrats to Jenna on the house and to Kristin on Graduating!

Nic is in Fort McMurray. Yup 800 KM and 9 hours of driving away! On a journey of self discovery, and a lesson in growing up. With some relevant work experience thrown in for good measure. It has been a hard week, but it has not been as hard as I had imagined it to be. The weeks leading up to his departure were actually significantly more difficult to me. There were many tearful nights.

There are not really words to describe the feelings I had towards him. I was angry, lonely, hurt and more than anything I was scared. I was angry with him for not applying for jobs in Calgary, I felt alone... like he had left me out of this decision, and I was hurt because it didn't seem to matter what I said, he had made his mind up. and I was scared because I didn't want us to change, I didn't want us to fall apart. Our relationship started to suffer because I did not know how to tell him this, and he didn't know how to tell me all of his reasoning, and neither of us wanted to accept the idea that we were going to be apart for four months. This all changed two nights before he left.

I told him that I was scared, and that I was angry with him.... but I wasn't really angry I was frustrated. I didn't understand why this had to happen. He asked me not to be mad at him and started to explain his reasons for going. He wanted to prove to himself that he could do this, that he could be virtually on his own for 4 months, earn money and support himself. He wanted to prove to his dad that he is good for something. He wanted to learn how to appreciate what he has, and understand why some things have to be worked towards. He wanted to strengthen our relationship. and He wanted to work towards a stable future -- a future for both of us.

I cried a lot during this discussion. But I knew that it would be okay. We would be okay. I began to see this as more of an opportunity than a set back. An opportunity for us to individually work towards bettering ourselves, and in turn bettering our relationship. We had become so accustomed to our relationship being a certain way and why fix what's not broken? It may not be broken, it may be stronger than it ever has been... but there are always areas to improve on, and I realize this now. There are so many areas that I want to work on in my own life, and I want to fix them before they affect my relationship.

It's not easy being 800 km apart but it has made me realize what I had and what I do have. It has shown me how to take notice of the little things, and that regardless of how hard it may be to share my feelings... that it will be okay in the end. It has made me realize what I want out of life, and that I have an amazing guy standing beside me the entire way. I now look forward to our conversations at the end of the day more than I ever had before, and I find myself noticing the little things to share with him that I may have overlooked before.

I still cry over it sometimes, and I would still rather he were here... but it's a good thing. and absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.