in 2008 I made a series of poor decisions. decisions that two years later I am still paying for both literally and figuratively. Decisions that I look back on and can only say "wtf was I thinking?" but thinking I was not. I was 18, 19 years old and as far as I was concerned, I knew everything. So I lived day to day making decisions on a whim and slowly but surely destroying everything that I had rebuilt.
I am certain that everyone around me was also wondering "wtf?" but I "knew" best and continued to do as I felt. Looking back now, they were right and I probably should have listened. I wouldn't be sitting here, a few months into 22 and trying to figure out what went wrong.
I am by no means where I had hoped to be at 22. I pushed people away, despite being given second, third and even fourth chances. I made poor decisions in regards to who I would surround myself with and what I did. Putting up walls where I should not have, and let down all of the guards that I should have left up.
I made poor financial decisions because I was young and the money could always be paid back later.
But it wasn't enough to make these decisions in 2008. No, after being given one final change, I had to continue to do them in 2009. I continued to push and pull until there was nothing left. Until I had lost everything.
My chance at being where I wanted to be by 22. To have the things that I was capable of just two years before. I had to throw it all away because I was scared. and lost. I would not admit that to anyone, I could not accept defeat.
I did it. I had to fix it. It was easier to continue running, to continue to dig a hole. Continue to hurt people. To hold myself back.
But I will not run anymore. I am better than that. I have made the errors, the poor decisions, the hurt. I cannot erase that, but I can stop living in the past, and I can change the future.
I am not perfect, I am human. But they say that the first step to change is acceptance.
I accept what I have done. I accept the responsibility for my actions. And I accept the challenge to change what I am doing. I will get there. and I am sorry.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sunday, October 18, 2009
.
it's you.
always has been.
always will be.
from that first october evening.
that was four years ago on the 10th of this month.
incase you forgot.
there's nothing that I regret more than this last year and a bit.
I wanted to grow.
and I held myself back.
made choices that I can never take back.
most importantly I destroyed us.
It may be too late to fix that.
but I will fix me.
and hopefully she's everything you're looking for.
everything I wasn't.
I'm sorry.
always has been.
always will be.
from that first october evening.
that was four years ago on the 10th of this month.
incase you forgot.
there's nothing that I regret more than this last year and a bit.
I wanted to grow.
and I held myself back.
made choices that I can never take back.
most importantly I destroyed us.
It may be too late to fix that.
but I will fix me.
and hopefully she's everything you're looking for.
everything I wasn't.
I'm sorry.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thursday, July 02, 2009
it's in the little things
happiness that is.
I find it in the littlest things these days. Like, going to renew my license plate and having my speeding ticket just not show up to be paid. $80.00 that I didn't really have. He listens, and he listens well. Granted, I am using a good portion of that money to get my hair done. But, I haven't cut it since December. The money doesn't have to come out of somewhere else. It is in the little things.
I can grow my nails out, quite nicely and completely naturally. I however, do not have the patience or a steady enough hand to ever make them look like much when polishing. So, I indulge and I pay someone else to do it! Which is terrible really. The place I go to though, only charges 15.00 for a french shape and polish change. and for half an hour, I don't have to care or think about anything or anyone but me. I think this is definitely worth $15.00. and I often don't even make time to go in a month, unless I am getting dressed up for something. But, I had them done before Coldplay and I had them done today on a whim driving home. Why? because I could.
The biggest reason that I could, is because my settlement cheque came on Tuesday from my car accident. A cheque that was $1500.00 less than it could have been thanks to ING, but money nonetheless. So I promptly paid off the one credit card COMPLETELY! I am putting $500.00 into a savings account. and the other thousand dollars, I am using to enjoy Disneyworld. I do not intend to spend that much there, but I have completely paid off a credit card and put money into savings. If I do spend that much money, I am going to try really hard not to worry about it.
It's in the little things like a night spent watching Family Guy and Seinfeld. Just in good company. It's in playing Wii bowling and tennis with my parents and the youngest two. My mother, for the record is absolutely hilarious to play with. For the Eagle's who read this - think Grandma playing Gestures when the card drops down just as she goes to grab it.
I still worry all the time about money. There is so much that I want to do in such a small period of time. However, he does listen. and I have received small answers and peace of mind. If I am to work part time, the right job will come along. In the mean time, I have registered on Canadiansitter.ca - which I am absolutely in love with. Parents contact me if they need a babysitter, and I get to choose whether or not I feel like doing it and I get to charge what I want (within reason) and it is easy tax free income doing exactly what I am so passionate about.
It's in the little things. Like denim capris, a blouse and a blazer for $18.00 during a Canada Day Sale. and three dresses, sandals a bathing suit and a tank top from American Eagle for $100.00 (GST rebate, well spent). Driving with the music blaring and the sunroof open. london fogs. and curling up with a good book.
I am Happy.
I find it in the littlest things these days. Like, going to renew my license plate and having my speeding ticket just not show up to be paid. $80.00 that I didn't really have. He listens, and he listens well. Granted, I am using a good portion of that money to get my hair done. But, I haven't cut it since December. The money doesn't have to come out of somewhere else. It is in the little things.
I can grow my nails out, quite nicely and completely naturally. I however, do not have the patience or a steady enough hand to ever make them look like much when polishing. So, I indulge and I pay someone else to do it! Which is terrible really. The place I go to though, only charges 15.00 for a french shape and polish change. and for half an hour, I don't have to care or think about anything or anyone but me. I think this is definitely worth $15.00. and I often don't even make time to go in a month, unless I am getting dressed up for something. But, I had them done before Coldplay and I had them done today on a whim driving home. Why? because I could.
The biggest reason that I could, is because my settlement cheque came on Tuesday from my car accident. A cheque that was $1500.00 less than it could have been thanks to ING, but money nonetheless. So I promptly paid off the one credit card COMPLETELY! I am putting $500.00 into a savings account. and the other thousand dollars, I am using to enjoy Disneyworld. I do not intend to spend that much there, but I have completely paid off a credit card and put money into savings. If I do spend that much money, I am going to try really hard not to worry about it.
It's in the little things like a night spent watching Family Guy and Seinfeld. Just in good company. It's in playing Wii bowling and tennis with my parents and the youngest two. My mother, for the record is absolutely hilarious to play with. For the Eagle's who read this - think Grandma playing Gestures when the card drops down just as she goes to grab it.
I still worry all the time about money. There is so much that I want to do in such a small period of time. However, he does listen. and I have received small answers and peace of mind. If I am to work part time, the right job will come along. In the mean time, I have registered on Canadiansitter.ca - which I am absolutely in love with. Parents contact me if they need a babysitter, and I get to choose whether or not I feel like doing it and I get to charge what I want (within reason) and it is easy tax free income doing exactly what I am so passionate about.
It's in the little things. Like denim capris, a blouse and a blazer for $18.00 during a Canada Day Sale. and three dresses, sandals a bathing suit and a tank top from American Eagle for $100.00 (GST rebate, well spent). Driving with the music blaring and the sunroof open. london fogs. and curling up with a good book.
I am Happy.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Something is missing
I am frustrated.
and this frustrates me.
as I try really hard not to let things get to me.
to go with the flow, roll with the punches and take things with a grain of salt.
but today I am frustrated.
I probably should just not be allowed to sit down and think.
because this never leads to anything good.
but today I did exactly that.
I lay out in the sun with my ipod and a book and tried to just have "me" time.
Which was quickly interuppted, as I was the "big" sister home for Destiny.
Who was very cute, and cut me up an apple and brought it outside with a rammekin of peanut butter.
(In tupperware, so that no Bee's would smell it and come bother me)
There are soo many things that I want to do with my life.
and I have known from a very young age exactly what they are.
I was talking about my childhood last night,
and how I use to make my sisters play endless hours of "daycare" with me.
If that isn't cool, then I don't know what is.
but finances are such a road block.
I feel like everytime I take a step forward,
something pushes me two steps back.
It doesn't matter how many "better" paying jobs I take on.
The money is never there.
The debt is never getting smaller.
I've put off school for two years,
knowing what I want to take but having too much debt to risk applying for student loans.
getting ahead with my finances, and getting into car accident after car accident.
or spending a year with inexplainable, never ending infections.
and I finally get my health under control and stop getting into accidents.
and we're in a freaking recession.
I know that I am not the only one.
that everyone is really struggling these days.
but I am frustrated.
and I try to have faith that it will all work out.
but maybe I'm looking too hard for security signs and missing them all together.
and this frustrates me.
as I try really hard not to let things get to me.
to go with the flow, roll with the punches and take things with a grain of salt.
but today I am frustrated.
I probably should just not be allowed to sit down and think.
because this never leads to anything good.
but today I did exactly that.
I lay out in the sun with my ipod and a book and tried to just have "me" time.
Which was quickly interuppted, as I was the "big" sister home for Destiny.
Who was very cute, and cut me up an apple and brought it outside with a rammekin of peanut butter.
(In tupperware, so that no Bee's would smell it and come bother me)
There are soo many things that I want to do with my life.
and I have known from a very young age exactly what they are.
I was talking about my childhood last night,
and how I use to make my sisters play endless hours of "daycare" with me.
If that isn't cool, then I don't know what is.
but finances are such a road block.
I feel like everytime I take a step forward,
something pushes me two steps back.
It doesn't matter how many "better" paying jobs I take on.
The money is never there.
The debt is never getting smaller.
I've put off school for two years,
knowing what I want to take but having too much debt to risk applying for student loans.
getting ahead with my finances, and getting into car accident after car accident.
or spending a year with inexplainable, never ending infections.
and I finally get my health under control and stop getting into accidents.
and we're in a freaking recession.
I know that I am not the only one.
that everyone is really struggling these days.
but I am frustrated.
and I try to have faith that it will all work out.
but maybe I'm looking too hard for security signs and missing them all together.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Refreshed.
Good bye nylons, blazers and high heels.
hello lulu's, reeboks and free workouts.
I seriously have THE best job ever.
As of Monday I am now a fitness coach training to be Assistant Manager for CURVES. So come and see me for your work out needs! Whether you want to lose, gain, tone or just stay fit. I've fallen in love with the 30 minute circuit, and you will too!
It's such a refreshing feeling to be at a job that actually makes me feel like I am helping people. Not to say that it wasn't satisfying to help women find a new bra every week of pregnancy. It was. But this is so much better, and on such a different level! I actually look forward to going to work every day, and I have such a good time. Plus, I get paid to work out. It doesn't really get any better than that.
Now, if I could just get car to sell.
Seriously, I've lowered it amost $5,000 and its been up for 4 months!
On a side note, for those of you who love to shop online...
check out the following:
You get INSTANT cash back rebates for almost all of your online shopping.
American Eagle, Ebay, Sephora, 1-800 Flowers, Bebe, Sunglass Hut, Avon, Hotels.com and Expedia, The Disney Store and even every day things, like kitchen appliances, printer ink and your pets. In the last couple of months I've received 15.00 in rebates just from my Ebay and American Eagle shopping!
hello lulu's, reeboks and free workouts.
I seriously have THE best job ever.
As of Monday I am now a fitness coach training to be Assistant Manager for CURVES. So come and see me for your work out needs! Whether you want to lose, gain, tone or just stay fit. I've fallen in love with the 30 minute circuit, and you will too!
It's such a refreshing feeling to be at a job that actually makes me feel like I am helping people. Not to say that it wasn't satisfying to help women find a new bra every week of pregnancy. It was. But this is so much better, and on such a different level! I actually look forward to going to work every day, and I have such a good time. Plus, I get paid to work out. It doesn't really get any better than that.
Now, if I could just get car to sell.
Seriously, I've lowered it amost $5,000 and its been up for 4 months!
On a side note, for those of you who love to shop online...
check out the following:
You get INSTANT cash back rebates for almost all of your online shopping.
American Eagle, Ebay, Sephora, 1-800 Flowers, Bebe, Sunglass Hut, Avon, Hotels.com and Expedia, The Disney Store and even every day things, like kitchen appliances, printer ink and your pets. In the last couple of months I've received 15.00 in rebates just from my Ebay and American Eagle shopping!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
only 21.
"you're only 21".
I think that I hear this on a daily basis, if not every other.
occasionally it is a good thing. "I can't believe how mature you are, you're only 21".
but most of the time, it's frustrating. "don't set your expectations so high; you're only 21".
There is so much more to this step into adulthood for me, than Vegas.
So much more that I want to accomplish than getting drunk off my face and partying like it's 1999.
I want to sell my car. Pay off my credit cards. and buy a house.
I want to go to school in the fall. and I want to start my dayhome soon.
I want to fall in love, and never look back.
To have a wonderful man standing beside me, supporting me in that dream.
"One hundred years from now... it will not matter what kind of car I drove. What kind of house I lived in. How much money I had in my bank account. Nor what my clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better, because I was important in the life of a child."
This is my dream. my goal. my reason for being.
and I can do it. Not only can I do it, I will do it and I will excel.
so, why should it matter than I am "only 21"?
I do not want to give it time.
I have been working towards this since I was 16 years old.
Working full time, and going to school.
Falling in and out of love faster than the seasons change.
and I want it all, by the time I am 22.
I am not "only" 21. I AM 21. and this will be my year.
I think that I hear this on a daily basis, if not every other.
occasionally it is a good thing. "I can't believe how mature you are, you're only 21".
but most of the time, it's frustrating. "don't set your expectations so high; you're only 21".
There is so much more to this step into adulthood for me, than Vegas.
So much more that I want to accomplish than getting drunk off my face and partying like it's 1999.
I want to sell my car. Pay off my credit cards. and buy a house.
I want to go to school in the fall. and I want to start my dayhome soon.
I want to fall in love, and never look back.
To have a wonderful man standing beside me, supporting me in that dream.
"One hundred years from now... it will not matter what kind of car I drove. What kind of house I lived in. How much money I had in my bank account. Nor what my clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better, because I was important in the life of a child."
This is my dream. my goal. my reason for being.
and I can do it. Not only can I do it, I will do it and I will excel.
so, why should it matter than I am "only 21"?
I do not want to give it time.
I have been working towards this since I was 16 years old.
Working full time, and going to school.
Falling in and out of love faster than the seasons change.
and I want it all, by the time I am 22.
I am not "only" 21. I AM 21. and this will be my year.
I always write, I don't always post.
Letter to a lover:
we were young and in love. naive to the world. consumed with eachother.and it was so damn good.but we grew up.circumstances changed.and we grew apart.or maybe I just pulled away.I never meant to hurt you.for I always loved you.even though I did what I did.I always will.and it is because I love you that I left.I want to see you grow and prosper.I want you to become the amazing person you are capable of.I want you to really fall in love.I want you to see the world in all it's glory.in the extraordinarily beautiful way that I do.with the most amazing person you can imagine.held closely by your side.for when you find what I could not give you.it will knock you off your feet.together we were mediocrewhere we should have been extraordinary, passionate and crazy.and now the time has come to be what we could not.for we were young and in love.creating building blocks for life as it should be.and now it is time for us to be magnificent.goodbye my lover.I will cherish you deeply.and keep your memory warm.I wish you nothing but the best.
Growth:
So this is growing up.Broken hearts and poor judgement.reevaluating the past.moving on for the future.These are the years for change.for figuring out who you are, who you have been and what you have done, in order to figure out the perfect combination of who you should be.We're dropping hearts and breaking names.convincing ourselves that we don't care.because at the end of the day we're still alone with ourselves.so why not break some hearts, and make some dreams.We push eachother away because it's easier than getting hurt.We latch on because it's easier than dealing with our insecurities.and then we are surprised when things fall apart.but at the end of the day no one can love you until you love yourself.after all we never really care until we find eachother.and we'll be okay on our own.companionship is great.but it's not worth the pain.That is growing up.
Turning Point:
what does it take for us to realize that something isn't working.that things are not going to go where you want them to.that someone isn't worth the effort.why do we let it get to the point of heartbreak.and where do we go after that turning point.You were my everything.for 14 years I compared every lover to you.convinced myself that you weren't the person I was warned about.because when we were alone you were different.you were the person I dreamed of being with.you convinced me that this was what you wanted to.that this was worth giving a shot.unbeknownst to me you were telling her the same things.everything that I had waited to hear from you.was being rewound and replayed to someone else.and I wish that I cared more.but I can't give keep doing this.I won't sit around waiting for your phone call.drop everything the minute you come into town.or count down the days until you decide what you want.you made your choice when you slept with her.when you pushed me away without warning.when you stopped talking to me.if this had been what you wanted.you would have tried harder.I guess we got what we were looking for.unfortunately we weren't actually looking for the same thing.you weren't looking for a relationship.and I was looking in all of the wrong places.for something that you weren't prepared to give me.and I deserve better.I shouldn't have to play games.or wonder what is going on.I shouldn't have to hear things from other people.about what is really going on.I'm moving on.letting go of past delusions.I guess this is the turning point.from life long expectant relationship.back to unbreakable friendship.It was fun while it lasted.
Foolish Games:
why do we always want what we can't have and dispose of what we can.why do we throw away the good things in life in favor of disfunction.Girls don't want nice guys. and guys don't want nice girls.We want the drama, the instability and the insecurities.because if we actually wanted the nice guy we would have them.If guys actually wanted the good girl. well we'd have a few less... I won't even go there. Why do we thrive off of the stupid vibes.is it the thrill of the chase that makes us so blind to reality.why are we so willing to give everything that we haveevery time there is a sliver of hope.even though we know that it's not actually going to get us anywhere.why do we fool ourselves.why do we shut ourselves out from the genuine people around us.why do we ignore their effortsacts of kindness that have no hidden meaning.we cannot just accept a gift for what it is anymore.or a favor for the sake of helping someone out.why do we throw away companionship and compatibility,holding hands, silly moments, someone to turn to, quiet friday nights, random dates, blaring cheesy music, falling asleep together.for a good ... well you know.Why do we let go of the good ones.for a chance at right now.why do we lead eachother on.only to end things with a heart-wrenching blow off.because nice isn't what we actually want.if we did we wouldn't hurt eachother.we wouldn't play games.there would be no guessing.waiting, hoping, anticipating.there would be no losers.in this foolish game.
we were young and in love. naive to the world. consumed with eachother.and it was so damn good.but we grew up.circumstances changed.and we grew apart.or maybe I just pulled away.I never meant to hurt you.for I always loved you.even though I did what I did.I always will.and it is because I love you that I left.I want to see you grow and prosper.I want you to become the amazing person you are capable of.I want you to really fall in love.I want you to see the world in all it's glory.in the extraordinarily beautiful way that I do.with the most amazing person you can imagine.held closely by your side.for when you find what I could not give you.it will knock you off your feet.together we were mediocrewhere we should have been extraordinary, passionate and crazy.and now the time has come to be what we could not.for we were young and in love.creating building blocks for life as it should be.and now it is time for us to be magnificent.goodbye my lover.I will cherish you deeply.and keep your memory warm.I wish you nothing but the best.
Growth:
So this is growing up.Broken hearts and poor judgement.reevaluating the past.moving on for the future.These are the years for change.for figuring out who you are, who you have been and what you have done, in order to figure out the perfect combination of who you should be.We're dropping hearts and breaking names.convincing ourselves that we don't care.because at the end of the day we're still alone with ourselves.so why not break some hearts, and make some dreams.We push eachother away because it's easier than getting hurt.We latch on because it's easier than dealing with our insecurities.and then we are surprised when things fall apart.but at the end of the day no one can love you until you love yourself.after all we never really care until we find eachother.and we'll be okay on our own.companionship is great.but it's not worth the pain.That is growing up.
Turning Point:
what does it take for us to realize that something isn't working.that things are not going to go where you want them to.that someone isn't worth the effort.why do we let it get to the point of heartbreak.and where do we go after that turning point.You were my everything.for 14 years I compared every lover to you.convinced myself that you weren't the person I was warned about.because when we were alone you were different.you were the person I dreamed of being with.you convinced me that this was what you wanted to.that this was worth giving a shot.unbeknownst to me you were telling her the same things.everything that I had waited to hear from you.was being rewound and replayed to someone else.and I wish that I cared more.but I can't give keep doing this.I won't sit around waiting for your phone call.drop everything the minute you come into town.or count down the days until you decide what you want.you made your choice when you slept with her.when you pushed me away without warning.when you stopped talking to me.if this had been what you wanted.you would have tried harder.I guess we got what we were looking for.unfortunately we weren't actually looking for the same thing.you weren't looking for a relationship.and I was looking in all of the wrong places.for something that you weren't prepared to give me.and I deserve better.I shouldn't have to play games.or wonder what is going on.I shouldn't have to hear things from other people.about what is really going on.I'm moving on.letting go of past delusions.I guess this is the turning point.from life long expectant relationship.back to unbreakable friendship.It was fun while it lasted.
Foolish Games:
why do we always want what we can't have and dispose of what we can.why do we throw away the good things in life in favor of disfunction.Girls don't want nice guys. and guys don't want nice girls.We want the drama, the instability and the insecurities.because if we actually wanted the nice guy we would have them.If guys actually wanted the good girl. well we'd have a few less... I won't even go there. Why do we thrive off of the stupid vibes.is it the thrill of the chase that makes us so blind to reality.why are we so willing to give everything that we haveevery time there is a sliver of hope.even though we know that it's not actually going to get us anywhere.why do we fool ourselves.why do we shut ourselves out from the genuine people around us.why do we ignore their effortsacts of kindness that have no hidden meaning.we cannot just accept a gift for what it is anymore.or a favor for the sake of helping someone out.why do we throw away companionship and compatibility,holding hands, silly moments, someone to turn to, quiet friday nights, random dates, blaring cheesy music, falling asleep together.for a good ... well you know.Why do we let go of the good ones.for a chance at right now.why do we lead eachother on.only to end things with a heart-wrenching blow off.because nice isn't what we actually want.if we did we wouldn't hurt eachother.we wouldn't play games.there would be no guessing.waiting, hoping, anticipating.there would be no losers.in this foolish game.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I am a writer not a blogger
I write all day long. There are few moments that go by during the course of my day, where I am not thinking, speculating, creating. I do this with good intention. Editing my thoughts, re-writing sentences, to the voices in my head so that when I get to the computer I can write this fantastic blog.
More than just an update on my day to day life, but a peice that is so full of passion, and wisdom it doesn't just explain me but it is a creation of me.
and then I get home and I cannot put the words together. I get a few sentences typed into this box, and I hit a road block. I cannot put the puzzle together, the picture is always missing those crucial, hit home points.
I am passionate, and crazy emotional, sometimes I scare myself with the topics I want to write about. But I never know what to blog about.
a peice is in the works.
More than just an update on my day to day life, but a peice that is so full of passion, and wisdom it doesn't just explain me but it is a creation of me.
and then I get home and I cannot put the words together. I get a few sentences typed into this box, and I hit a road block. I cannot put the puzzle together, the picture is always missing those crucial, hit home points.
I am passionate, and crazy emotional, sometimes I scare myself with the topics I want to write about. But I never know what to blog about.
a peice is in the works.
Monday, October 20, 2008
THIS is me
I am me.Do I know entirely who that is?not by any means.for I am ever changing.ever growing. (okay maybe not so much 'growing')developing into something new.little bits at a time.I have never smoked a cigarette.I have never done a single drug.and I'd be more ashamed to tell my kids that I haven't.than if I had.do I understand myself?not usually.I am ever confusing.What I want changes constantly.on a daily basis even.it's hard to keep up.I hate chocolate.except on the day that mother nature visits.and only in the form of chocolate chip cookies.Chips are my comfort food.so is Arby's 4 for 6 deal.I can keep up drinking with the boys.until you give me a glass of red wine.I am a young woman.short, and tiny but full of personality.self-conscious and at times overly anxious.I make mistakes and choices that I shouldn't.I push people away.I bring people into easily. Trust until I can't trust anymore.I let myself get hurt.and I beat myself up for it.I like to take up the entire bed.unless you want to cuddle.then I sleep right on the edge.when I was little I insisted on sleeping in a thin nightgown with my too small blanket.now I sleep in pants and a tank topwith two comforters.I am an overachiever.I set ridiculous expectations for myself.and lower my standards of everyone else.I am scared of failing.I take it personally when things around me go wrong.and I will fight to the death in hopes that "things will get better".so that I am not giving up.I listen to ridiculous amounts of country music.but I thoroughly enjoy blaring cheesy rap at red lights.I watch as many Flames games as possible.and I will not cheer on the oilers or the canucks under any circumstances.I read post secret every sunday morning.just to see if someone shares mine.I am quirky.I do not like peanut butter.and I hate drinking milk.but I love peanut butter on toast for breakfast.with a glass of milk to wash it down.Meatballs and meatloaf disgust me.but I love hamburgers.I did not grow up in a touchy feely house.and I was bullied throughout junior high.affection scares me.loves scares me.and I don't like to show emotion.I wear my heart on my sleeve.I don't drink coffee.I use filtered water for my tea.and tap water for your coffee.Caffeine upsets my stomach.so does sugar.I do not know what I believe in.I have faith in a higher being.but I question everything.I cannot stand religion.and I do not believe in humanity.If I don't want to do something.I am extremely stubborn. or silent until something else is suggested.I don't like to speak my mind.I don't vote.but I am very opinionated.I need my space.and freedom to choose.and I will get it willingly or not.I don't listen to people very well.I'd rather learn the hard way.I let my past influence my future.I am terrified of change.and elevators, boats, and snakes.I believe that a good book and a cup of tea can solve any bad day.I believe that TV does depict real life.I am a sister, a daughter, granddaughter and friend.a lover, a hater, a girlfriend, an ex, a thing of the past.There are a dozen different labels for what I am.but this...THIS is Me.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Worth Fighting For
We've been around in circles 'bout a thousand times
babe it's been so long, and I just don't know why
Does it really even matter who is wrong or right anymore?
I can't believe I spoke to you that way
And I'm trying to forget the words I heard you say
how our two hearts are holding this much hate and blame
I don't know
I know I can't remember
No I don't know the reason why we ever started fighting anymore
If we could just loose the temper and find a way to be more tender
Our love is just too strong to ignore
And that's worth fighting for
It's just foolish pride to hold these feelings back
Cause I look into your eyes and I'm a helpless man
I know you hate it when I try to make you laugh
even so I want to hold you like I've never done
say I'm sorry long before tomorrow morning comes
show you how I know that I'm the lucky one
Cause babe I know
I know I can't remember
No I don't know the reason why we ever started fighting anymore
If we could just loose the temper and find a way to be more tender
Our love is just too strong to ignore
And that's worth fighting for
babe it's been so long, and I just don't know why
Does it really even matter who is wrong or right anymore?
I can't believe I spoke to you that way
And I'm trying to forget the words I heard you say
how our two hearts are holding this much hate and blame
I don't know
I know I can't remember
No I don't know the reason why we ever started fighting anymore
If we could just loose the temper and find a way to be more tender
Our love is just too strong to ignore
And that's worth fighting for
It's just foolish pride to hold these feelings back
Cause I look into your eyes and I'm a helpless man
I know you hate it when I try to make you laugh
even so I want to hold you like I've never done
say I'm sorry long before tomorrow morning comes
show you how I know that I'm the lucky one
Cause babe I know
I know I can't remember
No I don't know the reason why we ever started fighting anymore
If we could just loose the temper and find a way to be more tender
Our love is just too strong to ignore
And that's worth fighting for
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
4 days.
4 days and you'll be gone. i'm scared.
i'm scared of losing you.
i've lost you before.
but it was different then.
in 14 years i have never felt this way.
even though i told my mom 12 years ago that i would marry you.
i never imagined i'd grow up and still feel that way.
cinderella waiting for her prince.
like the play we wrote together.
when you were the first boy to phone my house.
i can't help but wish we were back on the playground.
for the days of red rover.
when i could hold your hand.
promise to never let go.
and nothing would ever break us.
but now you're leaving.
to start a new life for yourself.
one that you say will include me.
because this is what you want.
this is what we've waited for.
14 years of friendship.
comparing every lover to the other.
losing touch and 5 years later finding everything's the same
not talking for 8 months because the feelings were too strong.
only to park beside eachother at the dollarama on macleod.
on that random friday afternoon.
you told me your hopes, your fears, your dreams that day.
and i fell in love in ways that i never knew were possible.
i realized what i had been searching for all of these years.
my school girl crush had caught up with me.
and for once in my life i couldn't deny it to anyone.
and the first time that you took my hand in yours.
carefully caressing each finger.
whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
too wrapped up in eachother to even pay attention to Scrubs.
i knew there would be no turning back.
when i kissed you 3 days later. awkward as it was.
there were no questions in my mind.
i only cared about that moment.
i drove home in complete and total bliss.
in the -20 weather with the window down and the radio blaring.
in sweet anticipation of the days to come.
for 9 days I have had everything I could ever want.
and in 4 days you'll be gone.
i'm scared of losing you.
i've lost you before.
but it was different then.
in 14 years i have never felt this way.
even though i told my mom 12 years ago that i would marry you.
i never imagined i'd grow up and still feel that way.
cinderella waiting for her prince.
like the play we wrote together.
when you were the first boy to phone my house.
i can't help but wish we were back on the playground.
for the days of red rover.
when i could hold your hand.
promise to never let go.
and nothing would ever break us.
but now you're leaving.
to start a new life for yourself.
one that you say will include me.
because this is what you want.
this is what we've waited for.
14 years of friendship.
comparing every lover to the other.
losing touch and 5 years later finding everything's the same
not talking for 8 months because the feelings were too strong.
only to park beside eachother at the dollarama on macleod.
on that random friday afternoon.
you told me your hopes, your fears, your dreams that day.
and i fell in love in ways that i never knew were possible.
i realized what i had been searching for all of these years.
my school girl crush had caught up with me.
and for once in my life i couldn't deny it to anyone.
and the first time that you took my hand in yours.
carefully caressing each finger.
whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
too wrapped up in eachother to even pay attention to Scrubs.
i knew there would be no turning back.
when i kissed you 3 days later. awkward as it was.
there were no questions in my mind.
i only cared about that moment.
i drove home in complete and total bliss.
in the -20 weather with the window down and the radio blaring.
in sweet anticipation of the days to come.
for 9 days I have had everything I could ever want.
and in 4 days you'll be gone.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Season of Change
It has been a very busy month since a blogged last, a month full of changes, and a month of letting things go.
I applied for school at the end of August hoping to get in for January. So for the last two months I have patiently sat waiting for the acceptance letter and growing increasingly anxious as there are very important deadlines that had to be met. Last week that big fat envelope came! Yes, not the small envelope with a single peice of paper crushing your dreams.. A big fat envelope full of fees that have to be paid, documents to aquire, and most importantly an acceptance letter. So as of January 7th 2008 I will be a college student. Which means a major lifestyle change now.
In the last year I have racked up a nice little credit card debt because I had a very limited availability when it came to working. So every day expenses, and more shopping than I should have done accumulated, quickly. I have decided now that regardless of my health, I have no choice but to work like crazy and spend money only on the neccessities. I started working at Shoppers Drug Mart on October 8th and I am really enjoying it so far. I have requested 44 hours a week, but I am only getting 24 so I am now looking for a second job to do in the evenings. If I am always working, then I will have very little time to shop... haha.
Money aside, I have decided that it is also time to take a healthier approach to living. Limiting the junk I can eat, and walking whenever I can. Nic and I have started taking our dogs to the off leash park on the weekends for atleast an hour which is a nice start. We look pretty funny walking our three, all black and white dogs though. Whenever I have time off work, I am also trying to do cardio or resistance on my own. I feel and sleep so much better when I do. Nine hours of sleep has now been scheduled in every night, weekend or not. I drink my two litres of water now, and when I can't get all of my fruits or veggies in I drink lots of V8. So far, I've managed to keep an infection off for just over a month now and I see the specialist on Nov 26.
I have also done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks. Mostly about my past, and those who were in it. Making peace with those who are still in my life, and coming to terms with situations in my past. It hasn't been a fun process, but I feel a lot better now that I have. I use to blame people a lot for the situations in my life, and I have come to more realistic conclusions now. Although I do not blame the results of certain events on myself, it was often my fault for putting myself in a situation that I should have known better. Growing up is painful.. haha.
There has been room for fun in all of this change as well. We went to Keith Urban with the Wreckers on September 18th. We ended up having seats in the first section to the left of the stage, and 5 rows up. I of course forgot my memory card at home. But he was amazing. We also went to Brad Paisley with Taylor Swift and Rodney Atkins on Oct 19th. I remembered my camera but we weren't nearly as close. Taylor is very cute and very talented for 17. Brad puts on a great, customized show and Rodney is entertaining all around.
That's all for now.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Something New Everyday
They say that you learn something new everyday...
I have learned that it is expensive to be a girl.
I have learned that the expensive products are well worth their price.
I have learned that 2 kidney and 6 bladder infections in one year makes it difficult to keep a job.
I have learned that it is perfectly okay to go to Walmart in my glasses, a pony tail, PJ pants and a hoodie.
I have learned that even though I love him dearly, after a full weekend with Nic.. I am more than happy to have monday night to myself.
I have learned that girls night out and girls night in are neccesary once in a while.
I have learned that dinner and a couple of drinks easily consumes an evening and your wallet.
I have learned to be less antisocial.
I have learned why so many young adults still live at home.
I have learned that I do not wish to be one of them.
I have learned how to challenge myself and to overcome my fears.
I have learned that I am not completely there yet.
I have learned that it is perfectly fine to eat that extra peice of dessert.
I have learned that this does not require watching myself the next day.
I have learned that Gym Memberships are quite possibly a waste of money.
I have learned how to open myself up and communicate my feelings.
I have learned that I would still much rather keep them to myself.
I have learned that "make it yourself" furniture does not fix in the back of my car.
I have learned that I do not like painting very much.
I have learned that relationships take a lot of time, energy and patience.
I have learned that a pet always listens best.
I have learned that everything worth having is worth waiting for.
I have learned that I do not like waiting.
I have learned that there is a time and a place for everything.
I have learned that timing almost always stinks.
I have learned that checking the mailbox every day does not make college acceptance letters come any sooner.
I have learned that when no one else is there my family always will be.
I have learned that life is about change.
I have learned that change is sometimes painful and sometimes it's beautiful.
I have learned that more often than not change is both.
I have learned to change.
I have learned that it is expensive to be a girl.
I have learned that the expensive products are well worth their price.
I have learned that 2 kidney and 6 bladder infections in one year makes it difficult to keep a job.
I have learned that it is perfectly okay to go to Walmart in my glasses, a pony tail, PJ pants and a hoodie.
I have learned that even though I love him dearly, after a full weekend with Nic.. I am more than happy to have monday night to myself.
I have learned that girls night out and girls night in are neccesary once in a while.
I have learned that dinner and a couple of drinks easily consumes an evening and your wallet.
I have learned to be less antisocial.
I have learned why so many young adults still live at home.
I have learned that I do not wish to be one of them.
I have learned how to challenge myself and to overcome my fears.
I have learned that I am not completely there yet.
I have learned that it is perfectly fine to eat that extra peice of dessert.
I have learned that this does not require watching myself the next day.
I have learned that Gym Memberships are quite possibly a waste of money.
I have learned how to open myself up and communicate my feelings.
I have learned that I would still much rather keep them to myself.
I have learned that "make it yourself" furniture does not fix in the back of my car.
I have learned that I do not like painting very much.
I have learned that relationships take a lot of time, energy and patience.
I have learned that a pet always listens best.
I have learned that everything worth having is worth waiting for.
I have learned that I do not like waiting.
I have learned that there is a time and a place for everything.
I have learned that timing almost always stinks.
I have learned that checking the mailbox every day does not make college acceptance letters come any sooner.
I have learned that when no one else is there my family always will be.
I have learned that life is about change.
I have learned that change is sometimes painful and sometimes it's beautiful.
I have learned that more often than not change is both.
I have learned to change.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
First off: Congrats to Jenna on the house and to Kristin on Graduating!
Nic is in Fort McMurray. Yup 800 KM and 9 hours of driving away! On a journey of self discovery, and a lesson in growing up. With some relevant work experience thrown in for good measure. It has been a hard week, but it has not been as hard as I had imagined it to be. The weeks leading up to his departure were actually significantly more difficult to me. There were many tearful nights.
There are not really words to describe the feelings I had towards him. I was angry, lonely, hurt and more than anything I was scared. I was angry with him for not applying for jobs in Calgary, I felt alone... like he had left me out of this decision, and I was hurt because it didn't seem to matter what I said, he had made his mind up. and I was scared because I didn't want us to change, I didn't want us to fall apart. Our relationship started to suffer because I did not know how to tell him this, and he didn't know how to tell me all of his reasoning, and neither of us wanted to accept the idea that we were going to be apart for four months. This all changed two nights before he left.
I told him that I was scared, and that I was angry with him.... but I wasn't really angry I was frustrated. I didn't understand why this had to happen. He asked me not to be mad at him and started to explain his reasons for going. He wanted to prove to himself that he could do this, that he could be virtually on his own for 4 months, earn money and support himself. He wanted to prove to his dad that he is good for something. He wanted to learn how to appreciate what he has, and understand why some things have to be worked towards. He wanted to strengthen our relationship. and He wanted to work towards a stable future -- a future for both of us.
I cried a lot during this discussion. But I knew that it would be okay. We would be okay. I began to see this as more of an opportunity than a set back. An opportunity for us to individually work towards bettering ourselves, and in turn bettering our relationship. We had become so accustomed to our relationship being a certain way and why fix what's not broken? It may not be broken, it may be stronger than it ever has been... but there are always areas to improve on, and I realize this now. There are so many areas that I want to work on in my own life, and I want to fix them before they affect my relationship.
It's not easy being 800 km apart but it has made me realize what I had and what I do have. It has shown me how to take notice of the little things, and that regardless of how hard it may be to share my feelings... that it will be okay in the end. It has made me realize what I want out of life, and that I have an amazing guy standing beside me the entire way. I now look forward to our conversations at the end of the day more than I ever had before, and I find myself noticing the little things to share with him that I may have overlooked before.
I still cry over it sometimes, and I would still rather he were here... but it's a good thing. and absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.
Nic is in Fort McMurray. Yup 800 KM and 9 hours of driving away! On a journey of self discovery, and a lesson in growing up. With some relevant work experience thrown in for good measure. It has been a hard week, but it has not been as hard as I had imagined it to be. The weeks leading up to his departure were actually significantly more difficult to me. There were many tearful nights.
There are not really words to describe the feelings I had towards him. I was angry, lonely, hurt and more than anything I was scared. I was angry with him for not applying for jobs in Calgary, I felt alone... like he had left me out of this decision, and I was hurt because it didn't seem to matter what I said, he had made his mind up. and I was scared because I didn't want us to change, I didn't want us to fall apart. Our relationship started to suffer because I did not know how to tell him this, and he didn't know how to tell me all of his reasoning, and neither of us wanted to accept the idea that we were going to be apart for four months. This all changed two nights before he left.
I told him that I was scared, and that I was angry with him.... but I wasn't really angry I was frustrated. I didn't understand why this had to happen. He asked me not to be mad at him and started to explain his reasons for going. He wanted to prove to himself that he could do this, that he could be virtually on his own for 4 months, earn money and support himself. He wanted to prove to his dad that he is good for something. He wanted to learn how to appreciate what he has, and understand why some things have to be worked towards. He wanted to strengthen our relationship. and He wanted to work towards a stable future -- a future for both of us.
I cried a lot during this discussion. But I knew that it would be okay. We would be okay. I began to see this as more of an opportunity than a set back. An opportunity for us to individually work towards bettering ourselves, and in turn bettering our relationship. We had become so accustomed to our relationship being a certain way and why fix what's not broken? It may not be broken, it may be stronger than it ever has been... but there are always areas to improve on, and I realize this now. There are so many areas that I want to work on in my own life, and I want to fix them before they affect my relationship.
It's not easy being 800 km apart but it has made me realize what I had and what I do have. It has shown me how to take notice of the little things, and that regardless of how hard it may be to share my feelings... that it will be okay in the end. It has made me realize what I want out of life, and that I have an amazing guy standing beside me the entire way. I now look forward to our conversations at the end of the day more than I ever had before, and I find myself noticing the little things to share with him that I may have overlooked before.
I still cry over it sometimes, and I would still rather he were here... but it's a good thing. and absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Money, Money, Money.
I am basically alone in the office at the moment so I thought what a prime time to blog.
Well one week from today marks three months at this job. For those of you who know me at all, you know that this is a record. Since May of last year I have worked at: Michaels, Swiss Chalet, Garage Clothing, Michaels again, Winners, and Starbucks. The only job that lasted more than a week in that period was the two rounds of Michaels. Normally I am a very committed person, but I strongly dislike chaos, improper training, and working with or serving individuals between the ages of 11 and 19. Most jobs in that list fit into that category. Except for Michaels who I ended my on again off again relationship of two years with, late in November due to Management issues. I felt that I should be recognized for the work that I did. Weird.
Anyway, so I have been with United Drywall/Allwall LTD since January 30th. In that period I have developed an entirely new list of dislikes in the workplace. For instance, I have learned that I do not like construction guys. period. I also do not care for office drama, and power hungry females. I do not enjoy speaking to the clients that phone 7 times in an hour because the person they NEED to speak with is busy/out. But most of all, I do not care for sitting on my arse all day with absolutely nothing to do after 9. I spend a lot of time on face book. I do however like learning new things and have enjoyed the times that I service trained. I enjoyed getting to go into houses, and working on German Titov's house. He use to play for the Flames and he was there. I enjoy pay cheques at the end of the month, but I do not enjoy my salary. I enjoy the thought of getting promoted in the summer but I am not sure what I want to do in the fall.
and this is my current dilemma. I SHOULD go back to school but I do not know if I want to yet. If I get promoted then I will be making enough that I do not need to go back to school right away. Nic has one more year of school left, and we cannot afford for both of us to be in school at the same time. My parents are looking at moving out of the city, and in order to stay here with him I have to get a place... this typically does not go well for full time students working part time. My other option is Correspondence which I am personally quite fond of. I enjoy working at my own pace, and in my pj's. I could work full time and still take a course in the evenings, but be home with Nic at the same time. Personally I think that this is a great option. But then there is the problem of what to take?
I want to work with children or youth or the homeless. I want to help people. So I am thinking of taking Early Childhood Development, Child and Youth Counselling, or Psychology. Most people are supportive of this... however I have one friend who has convinced Nic and is now trying to convince me that it will not pay enough. I don't want to do it for the money. Starting out I would be making about what I am making now, maybe 5 or 10k more a year. Now, as a secondary income I think that is perfectly acceptable. Nic is looking at anywhere from 60-100k starting out with Electrical in a year. Why if it is just the two of us would we need more than that starting out? My parents never have years where the income is that high and there are 6 of us. This friend feels that I should be an accountant. Which I have also considered. When I started with United we briefly spoke of me taking a basic accounting course online during work hours. If this is still an option then by all means I will take it because in the long term there are all kinds of possibilities if I have it. But this isn't what I necessarily want to do, and why sacrifice happiness for money?
If my parents move out of the city, I need a place here. The most economical option is of course to rent a place with a couple of friends. at 18 and 19 we do not have the money to own of course, and it is temporary. One year. So the same friend that feels I should be in school this fall, but not for what I want is one of the people we'll be getting a place with. This friend, has most things handed to him on a silver platter. The plan originally was that his parents would buy a small townhouse in the city and the three of us would pay the mortgage. Houses are still ridiculously expensive here... like 350k for a tiny three bedroom townhouse. That's a good 2500 a month in rent alone depending on the down payment. This is not really affordable for two students, and only one person working full time. But this friend refuses to rent for someone else. Even though there are apartments available to rent for 1200. 400.00 each sounds much more reasonable. So it looks like Nic and I will be on our own to get a place if this friend doesn't cooperate, which again is more expensive. Especially if I got to school. It is a vicious circle.
Money, money, money. The cause and solution to most of life's problems.
Well one week from today marks three months at this job. For those of you who know me at all, you know that this is a record. Since May of last year I have worked at: Michaels, Swiss Chalet, Garage Clothing, Michaels again, Winners, and Starbucks. The only job that lasted more than a week in that period was the two rounds of Michaels. Normally I am a very committed person, but I strongly dislike chaos, improper training, and working with or serving individuals between the ages of 11 and 19. Most jobs in that list fit into that category. Except for Michaels who I ended my on again off again relationship of two years with, late in November due to Management issues. I felt that I should be recognized for the work that I did. Weird.
Anyway, so I have been with United Drywall/Allwall LTD since January 30th. In that period I have developed an entirely new list of dislikes in the workplace. For instance, I have learned that I do not like construction guys. period. I also do not care for office drama, and power hungry females. I do not enjoy speaking to the clients that phone 7 times in an hour because the person they NEED to speak with is busy/out. But most of all, I do not care for sitting on my arse all day with absolutely nothing to do after 9. I spend a lot of time on face book. I do however like learning new things and have enjoyed the times that I service trained. I enjoyed getting to go into houses, and working on German Titov's house. He use to play for the Flames and he was there. I enjoy pay cheques at the end of the month, but I do not enjoy my salary. I enjoy the thought of getting promoted in the summer but I am not sure what I want to do in the fall.
and this is my current dilemma. I SHOULD go back to school but I do not know if I want to yet. If I get promoted then I will be making enough that I do not need to go back to school right away. Nic has one more year of school left, and we cannot afford for both of us to be in school at the same time. My parents are looking at moving out of the city, and in order to stay here with him I have to get a place... this typically does not go well for full time students working part time. My other option is Correspondence which I am personally quite fond of. I enjoy working at my own pace, and in my pj's. I could work full time and still take a course in the evenings, but be home with Nic at the same time. Personally I think that this is a great option. But then there is the problem of what to take?
I want to work with children or youth or the homeless. I want to help people. So I am thinking of taking Early Childhood Development, Child and Youth Counselling, or Psychology. Most people are supportive of this... however I have one friend who has convinced Nic and is now trying to convince me that it will not pay enough. I don't want to do it for the money. Starting out I would be making about what I am making now, maybe 5 or 10k more a year. Now, as a secondary income I think that is perfectly acceptable. Nic is looking at anywhere from 60-100k starting out with Electrical in a year. Why if it is just the two of us would we need more than that starting out? My parents never have years where the income is that high and there are 6 of us. This friend feels that I should be an accountant. Which I have also considered. When I started with United we briefly spoke of me taking a basic accounting course online during work hours. If this is still an option then by all means I will take it because in the long term there are all kinds of possibilities if I have it. But this isn't what I necessarily want to do, and why sacrifice happiness for money?
If my parents move out of the city, I need a place here. The most economical option is of course to rent a place with a couple of friends. at 18 and 19 we do not have the money to own of course, and it is temporary. One year. So the same friend that feels I should be in school this fall, but not for what I want is one of the people we'll be getting a place with. This friend, has most things handed to him on a silver platter. The plan originally was that his parents would buy a small townhouse in the city and the three of us would pay the mortgage. Houses are still ridiculously expensive here... like 350k for a tiny three bedroom townhouse. That's a good 2500 a month in rent alone depending on the down payment. This is not really affordable for two students, and only one person working full time. But this friend refuses to rent for someone else. Even though there are apartments available to rent for 1200. 400.00 each sounds much more reasonable. So it looks like Nic and I will be on our own to get a place if this friend doesn't cooperate, which again is more expensive. Especially if I got to school. It is a vicious circle.
Money, money, money. The cause and solution to most of life's problems.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Jenna Tagged Me
Ok. I've been tagged. This means that I have to post 6 weird things about me and then I can tag 4 other people. Here they are in no particular order....
1. If it is any warmer than -2 I often drive with my windows open. - Calgarian much?
2. I go to Petland atleast once a week to cuddle with the bunnies because I don't have one of my own anymore. I get very upset when they are not there the next week.
3. I hate my feet, and I scream if someone takes off my socks... but in the summer I always wear sandals.
4. I hate milk and peanut butter. The only time I like peanut butter... is on toast with a glass of milk.
5. When I was ten my dad made me drive my own car on the Autopia ride in Disneyland and I was too short to reach the pedals properly. Since then I absolutely refuse to drive anything else with wheels other than my car or nic's car. Go karts, buggies, bumper cars, etc included. I will throw a fit if forced to do so.
6. I absolutely love to sing, but I hate singing for anybody else. Despite being told that I should pursue it. I won't even sing happy birthday.
Ok, I tag um Kristin... and that's really the only other peson that reads my blog...
1. If it is any warmer than -2 I often drive with my windows open. - Calgarian much?
2. I go to Petland atleast once a week to cuddle with the bunnies because I don't have one of my own anymore. I get very upset when they are not there the next week.
3. I hate my feet, and I scream if someone takes off my socks... but in the summer I always wear sandals.
4. I hate milk and peanut butter. The only time I like peanut butter... is on toast with a glass of milk.
5. When I was ten my dad made me drive my own car on the Autopia ride in Disneyland and I was too short to reach the pedals properly. Since then I absolutely refuse to drive anything else with wheels other than my car or nic's car. Go karts, buggies, bumper cars, etc included. I will throw a fit if forced to do so.
6. I absolutely love to sing, but I hate singing for anybody else. Despite being told that I should pursue it. I won't even sing happy birthday.
Ok, I tag um Kristin... and that's really the only other peson that reads my blog...
Monday, March 05, 2007
30 'secrets'
30 "secrets" about yourself...
1. Is that your natural hair colour? it's my natural color.. but it's dyed
2. where was your default pic taken? at a park
3. What's your middle name?Laurren
4. Your current relationship status? Dating
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?It would appear so
6. What is your current mood? yucky? haha
7. What colour underwear are you wearing?red
8. What makes you happy? lazy nights
9. Are you musically inclined? not really
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be? who I was, shaped who I am now so changing who I was would mean changing who I am now and I don't want to do that.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be? a rabbit
12. Ever had a near death experience?not really
13. Something you do a lot? work and sleep
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now? nothing
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?website
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you? Eddie Murphy and Amanda Bynes
17. When was the last time you cried?a week or two ago
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?not solo
19. If you could have one super power what would it be? time travel
20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?How they dress
21. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Iced Green Tea
22. What's your biggest secret? I am emotionally weaker than I let on
23. What's your favorite color? pink
24. When was the last time you lied? yesterday.. wasn't really a lie just withholding certain information haha
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?occasionally
26. Do you have braces?did in jr high
27. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I tend to hold too much in
28. what are you eating or drinking at the moment?nothing going to have lunch soon
29. Do you speak any other language?no
30. What's your favorite smell? right after it rains.
1. Is that your natural hair colour? it's my natural color.. but it's dyed
2. where was your default pic taken? at a park
3. What's your middle name?Laurren
4. Your current relationship status? Dating
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?It would appear so
6. What is your current mood? yucky? haha
7. What colour underwear are you wearing?red
8. What makes you happy? lazy nights
9. Are you musically inclined? not really
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be? who I was, shaped who I am now so changing who I was would mean changing who I am now and I don't want to do that.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be? a rabbit
12. Ever had a near death experience?not really
13. Something you do a lot? work and sleep
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now? nothing
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?website
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you? Eddie Murphy and Amanda Bynes
17. When was the last time you cried?a week or two ago
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?not solo
19. If you could have one super power what would it be? time travel
20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?How they dress
21. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Iced Green Tea
22. What's your biggest secret? I am emotionally weaker than I let on
23. What's your favorite color? pink
24. When was the last time you lied? yesterday.. wasn't really a lie just withholding certain information haha
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?occasionally
26. Do you have braces?did in jr high
27. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I tend to hold too much in
28. what are you eating or drinking at the moment?nothing going to have lunch soon
29. Do you speak any other language?no
30. What's your favorite smell? right after it rains.
Colds, Love and Rascal Flatts
I promised Jenna that I would write a blog soon. So here it is.
I feel for my poor coworkers having to listen to me hack and sneeze and sniffle all day long. I have been sick for three weeks now.. with this ridiculous never ending cold! Not only is it horrible but it keeps circulating through my house so as soon as I start to feel better it comes back! It started just before Valentines and I have missed a day and a half of work so far. Of course now.. two weeks later it is much worse than it was when I took time off work and now I don't feel like I can miss more work. Nic thinks that it is a sinus infection... :(. Whatever it is I just want it to go away.
On Saturday Nic took me out for dinner. I was sick on Valentines day and I did not feel like going out. So Nic promised that we would go out for dinner shortly after. Last week I was starting to feel better so we thought that Saturday would be okay... but sure enough I was sick again. We went out anyway. He took me for Thai food and it was very cute. We only stayed long enough to eat a quick main course but he spent he rest of the night taking care of me even though I'm gross right now. and the Flames beat the Oilers 4-2 at the Rexall Place. hehe.
On the 22nd was the Rascal Flatts concert which despite being sick was absolutely amazing! The boys are very very talented and were great at making the fans feel like part of the show. I am crossing my fingers for Keith Urban tickets for my birthday because I cannot afford the tickets right now. Keith Urban sold out within 8 minutes! and they had to schedule a second show. If I have to choose though.. the Rascal Flatts concert was definitely worth the money and possibly missing Keith Urban.
I really do not have much to say. Work is going well and is more exciting now that they have started finding more for me to do. It is nice to have money again. Other than work I do not do much. I am tired by the time I get home and usually just eat then take it easy. Weekends I spend with Nic, and they are always very nice. and really that is about it.
Take care.
I feel for my poor coworkers having to listen to me hack and sneeze and sniffle all day long. I have been sick for three weeks now.. with this ridiculous never ending cold! Not only is it horrible but it keeps circulating through my house so as soon as I start to feel better it comes back! It started just before Valentines and I have missed a day and a half of work so far. Of course now.. two weeks later it is much worse than it was when I took time off work and now I don't feel like I can miss more work. Nic thinks that it is a sinus infection... :(. Whatever it is I just want it to go away.
On Saturday Nic took me out for dinner. I was sick on Valentines day and I did not feel like going out. So Nic promised that we would go out for dinner shortly after. Last week I was starting to feel better so we thought that Saturday would be okay... but sure enough I was sick again. We went out anyway. He took me for Thai food and it was very cute. We only stayed long enough to eat a quick main course but he spent he rest of the night taking care of me even though I'm gross right now. and the Flames beat the Oilers 4-2 at the Rexall Place. hehe.
On the 22nd was the Rascal Flatts concert which despite being sick was absolutely amazing! The boys are very very talented and were great at making the fans feel like part of the show. I am crossing my fingers for Keith Urban tickets for my birthday because I cannot afford the tickets right now. Keith Urban sold out within 8 minutes! and they had to schedule a second show. If I have to choose though.. the Rascal Flatts concert was definitely worth the money and possibly missing Keith Urban.
I really do not have much to say. Work is going well and is more exciting now that they have started finding more for me to do. It is nice to have money again. Other than work I do not do much. I am tired by the time I get home and usually just eat then take it easy. Weekends I spend with Nic, and they are always very nice. and really that is about it.
Take care.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Update Life
Since my last blog I have started my new job. I am doing reception for United Drywall/AllWall/Mexi-can/and KDS. It's crazy sometimes. I am in my third week here and it is nice because now they have found more work for me to do. Instead of spending most of my day playing games. I highly enjoy the environment here especially compared to retail but I do miss the pace of retail. I also miss working 5 minutes from my house... rather than an hour long commute (mostly weather related) on the Deerfoot, and my lower tax bracket.
Valentines Day:
This was also the one year anniversary of the day that Nic and I became official. Killed two birds with one stone... haha. When I spoke to him on my way into work we decided that we were going to wait until the weekend to celebrate. We had gone to the Flames game with my parents the night before, and because I have to be up for work at 6 everyday two late nights in a row weren't a great idea. But as I was leaving the office, he walked up with a big bouquet of flowers ... pink roses of course.. and white flowers and lots of baby's breath. Aw. We decided that we'd just have a quiet night at home (yeah...right...in my zoo!?). So we just went back to my house.
For Christmas Nic had bought me a white gold and diamond heart shaped pendant necklace. It's very pretty and I am very proud of his taste...but when we were in Panorama over New Years the chain broke in my sleep. So I put the charm on a chain that I had at home. He bought me a brand new white gold chain yesterday for it, making sure to ask the ladies at the jewelry store which chain was the sturdiest. Aw.
Valentines was complete with a night of watching a girly show and How To Deal. and of course a card that brough tears to my eyes.
Maybe it's just enjoyable when you have someone to love.... but single people have 364 other days a year :)
Valentines Day:
This was also the one year anniversary of the day that Nic and I became official. Killed two birds with one stone... haha. When I spoke to him on my way into work we decided that we were going to wait until the weekend to celebrate. We had gone to the Flames game with my parents the night before, and because I have to be up for work at 6 everyday two late nights in a row weren't a great idea. But as I was leaving the office, he walked up with a big bouquet of flowers ... pink roses of course.. and white flowers and lots of baby's breath. Aw. We decided that we'd just have a quiet night at home (yeah...right...in my zoo!?). So we just went back to my house.
For Christmas Nic had bought me a white gold and diamond heart shaped pendant necklace. It's very pretty and I am very proud of his taste...but when we were in Panorama over New Years the chain broke in my sleep. So I put the charm on a chain that I had at home. He bought me a brand new white gold chain yesterday for it, making sure to ask the ladies at the jewelry store which chain was the sturdiest. Aw.
Valentines was complete with a night of watching a girly show and How To Deal. and of course a card that brough tears to my eyes.
Maybe it's just enjoyable when you have someone to love.... but single people have 364 other days a year :)
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