THIS is me

I am me.Do I know entirely who that is?not by any means.for I am ever changing.ever growing. (okay maybe not so much 'growing')developing into something new.little bits at a time.I have never smoked a cigarette.I have never done a single drug.and I'd be more ashamed to tell my kids that I haven't.than if I had.do I understand myself?not usually.I am ever confusing.What I want changes constantly.on a daily basis even.it's hard to keep up.I hate chocolate.except on the day that mother nature visits.and only in the form of chocolate chip cookies.Chips are my comfort food.so is Arby's 4 for 6 deal.I can keep up drinking with the boys.until you give me a glass of red wine.I am a young woman.short, and tiny but full of personality.self-conscious and at times overly anxious.I make mistakes and choices that I shouldn't.I push people away.I bring people into easily. Trust until I can't trust anymore.I let myself get hurt.and I beat myself up for it.I like to take up the entire bed.unless you want to cuddle.then I sleep right on the edge.when I was little I insisted on sleeping in a thin nightgown with my too small blanket.now I sleep in pants and a tank topwith two comforters.I am an overachiever.I set ridiculous expectations for myself.and lower my standards of everyone else.I am scared of failing.I take it personally when things around me go wrong.and I will fight to the death in hopes that "things will get better".so that I am not giving up.I listen to ridiculous amounts of country music.but I thoroughly enjoy blaring cheesy rap at red lights.I watch as many Flames games as possible.and I will not cheer on the oilers or the canucks under any circumstances.I read post secret every sunday morning.just to see if someone shares mine.I am quirky.I do not like peanut butter.and I hate drinking milk.but I love peanut butter on toast for breakfast.with a glass of milk to wash it down.Meatballs and meatloaf disgust me.but I love hamburgers.I did not grow up in a touchy feely house.and I was bullied throughout junior high.affection scares me.loves scares me.and I don't like to show emotion.I wear my heart on my sleeve.I don't drink coffee.I use filtered water for my tea.and tap water for your coffee.Caffeine upsets my stomach.so does sugar.I do not know what I believe in.I have faith in a higher being.but I question everything.I cannot stand religion.and I do not believe in humanity.If I don't want to do something.I am extremely stubborn. or silent until something else is suggested.I don't like to speak my mind.I don't vote.but I am very opinionated.I need my space.and freedom to choose.and I will get it willingly or not.I don't listen to people very well.I'd rather learn the hard way.I let my past influence my future.I am terrified of change.and elevators, boats, and snakes.I believe that a good book and a cup of tea can solve any bad day.I believe that TV does depict real life.I am a sister, a daughter, granddaughter and friend.a lover, a hater, a girlfriend, an ex, a thing of the past.There are a dozen different labels for what I am.but this...THIS is Me.

Worth Fighting For

We've been around in circles 'bout a thousand times
babe it's been so long, and I just don't know why
Does it really even matter who is wrong or right anymore?
I can't believe I spoke to you that way
And I'm trying to forget the words I heard you say
how our two hearts are holding this much hate and blame
I don't know

I know I can't remember
No I don't know the reason why we ever started fighting anymore
If we could just loose the temper and find a way to be more tender
Our love is just too strong to ignore
And that's worth fighting for

It's just foolish pride to hold these feelings back
Cause I look into your eyes and I'm a helpless man
I know you hate it when I try to make you laugh
even so I want to hold you like I've never done
say I'm sorry long before tomorrow morning comes
show you how I know that I'm the lucky one

Cause babe I know
I know I can't remember
No I don't know the reason why we ever started fighting anymore
If we could just loose the temper and find a way to be more tender
Our love is just too strong to ignore
And that's worth fighting for

4 days.

4 days and you'll be gone. i'm scared.
i'm scared of losing you.
i've lost you before.
but it was different then.
in 14 years i have never felt this way.

even though i told my mom 12 years ago that i would marry you.
i never imagined i'd grow up and still feel that way.
cinderella waiting for her prince.
like the play we wrote together.
when you were the first boy to phone my house.

i can't help but wish we were back on the playground.
for the days of red rover.
when i could hold your hand.
promise to never let go.
and nothing would ever break us.

but now you're leaving.
to start a new life for yourself.
one that you say will include me.
because this is what you want.
this is what we've waited for.

14 years of friendship.
comparing every lover to the other.
losing touch and 5 years later finding everything's the same
not talking for 8 months because the feelings were too strong.
only to park beside eachother at the dollarama on macleod.
on that random friday afternoon.
you told me your hopes, your fears, your dreams that day.

and i fell in love in ways that i never knew were possible.
i realized what i had been searching for all of these years.
my school girl crush had caught up with me.
and for once in my life i couldn't deny it to anyone.

and the first time that you took my hand in yours.
carefully caressing each finger.
whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
too wrapped up in eachother to even pay attention to Scrubs.
i knew there would be no turning back.

when i kissed you 3 days later. awkward as it was.
there were no questions in my mind.
i only cared about that moment.
i drove home in complete and total bliss.
in the -20 weather with the window down and the radio blaring.
in sweet anticipation of the days to come.

for 9 days I have had everything I could ever want.
and in 4 days you'll be gone.

Season of Change

It has been a very busy month since a blogged last, a month full of changes, and a month of letting things go.

I applied for school at the end of August hoping to get in for January. So for the last two months I have patiently sat waiting for the acceptance letter and growing increasingly anxious as there are very important deadlines that had to be met. Last week that big fat envelope came! Yes, not the small envelope with a single peice of paper crushing your dreams.. A big fat envelope full of fees that have to be paid, documents to aquire, and most importantly an acceptance letter. So as of January 7th 2008 I will be a college student. Which means a major lifestyle change now.

In the last year I have racked up a nice little credit card debt because I had a very limited availability when it came to working. So every day expenses, and more shopping than I should have done accumulated, quickly. I have decided now that regardless of my health, I have no choice but to work like crazy and spend money only on the neccessities. I started working at Shoppers Drug Mart on October 8th and I am really enjoying it so far. I have requested 44 hours a week, but I am only getting 24 so I am now looking for a second job to do in the evenings. If I am always working, then I will have very little time to shop... haha.

Money aside, I have decided that it is also time to take a healthier approach to living. Limiting the junk I can eat, and walking whenever I can. Nic and I have started taking our dogs to the off leash park on the weekends for atleast an hour which is a nice start. We look pretty funny walking our three, all black and white dogs though. Whenever I have time off work, I am also trying to do cardio or resistance on my own. I feel and sleep so much better when I do. Nine hours of sleep has now been scheduled in every night, weekend or not. I drink my two litres of water now, and when I can't get all of my fruits or veggies in I drink lots of V8. So far, I've managed to keep an infection off for just over a month now and I see the specialist on Nov 26.

I have also done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks. Mostly about my past, and those who were in it. Making peace with those who are still in my life, and coming to terms with situations in my past. It hasn't been a fun process, but I feel a lot better now that I have. I use to blame people a lot for the situations in my life, and I have come to more realistic conclusions now. Although I do not blame the results of certain events on myself, it was often my fault for putting myself in a situation that I should have known better. Growing up is painful.. haha.

There has been room for fun in all of this change as well. We went to Keith Urban with the Wreckers on September 18th. We ended up having seats in the first section to the left of the stage, and 5 rows up. I of course forgot my memory card at home. But he was amazing. We also went to Brad Paisley with Taylor Swift and Rodney Atkins on Oct 19th. I remembered my camera but we weren't nearly as close. Taylor is very cute and very talented for 17. Brad puts on a great, customized show and Rodney is entertaining all around.

That's all for now.

Something New Everyday

They say that you learn something new everyday...

I have learned that it is expensive to be a girl.

I have learned that the expensive products are well worth their price.

I have learned that 2 kidney and 6 bladder infections in one year makes it difficult to keep a job.

I have learned that it is perfectly okay to go to Walmart in my glasses, a pony tail, PJ pants and a hoodie.

I have learned that even though I love him dearly, after a full weekend with Nic.. I am more than happy to have monday night to myself.

I have learned that girls night out and girls night in are neccesary once in a while.

I have learned that dinner and a couple of drinks easily consumes an evening and your wallet.

I have learned to be less antisocial.

I have learned why so many young adults still live at home.

I have learned that I do not wish to be one of them.

I have learned how to challenge myself and to overcome my fears.

I have learned that I am not completely there yet.

I have learned that it is perfectly fine to eat that extra peice of dessert.

I have learned that this does not require watching myself the next day.

I have learned that Gym Memberships are quite possibly a waste of money.

I have learned how to open myself up and communicate my feelings.

I have learned that I would still much rather keep them to myself.

I have learned that "make it yourself" furniture does not fix in the back of my car.

I have learned that I do not like painting very much.

I have learned that relationships take a lot of time, energy and patience.

I have learned that a pet always listens best.

I have learned that everything worth having is worth waiting for.

I have learned that I do not like waiting.

I have learned that there is a time and a place for everything.

I have learned that timing almost always stinks.

I have learned that checking the mailbox every day does not make college acceptance letters come any sooner.

I have learned that when no one else is there my family always will be.

I have learned that life is about change.

I have learned that change is sometimes painful and sometimes it's beautiful.

I have learned that more often than not change is both.

I have learned to change.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

First off: Congrats to Jenna on the house and to Kristin on Graduating!

Nic is in Fort McMurray. Yup 800 KM and 9 hours of driving away! On a journey of self discovery, and a lesson in growing up. With some relevant work experience thrown in for good measure. It has been a hard week, but it has not been as hard as I had imagined it to be. The weeks leading up to his departure were actually significantly more difficult to me. There were many tearful nights.

There are not really words to describe the feelings I had towards him. I was angry, lonely, hurt and more than anything I was scared. I was angry with him for not applying for jobs in Calgary, I felt alone... like he had left me out of this decision, and I was hurt because it didn't seem to matter what I said, he had made his mind up. and I was scared because I didn't want us to change, I didn't want us to fall apart. Our relationship started to suffer because I did not know how to tell him this, and he didn't know how to tell me all of his reasoning, and neither of us wanted to accept the idea that we were going to be apart for four months. This all changed two nights before he left.

I told him that I was scared, and that I was angry with him.... but I wasn't really angry I was frustrated. I didn't understand why this had to happen. He asked me not to be mad at him and started to explain his reasons for going. He wanted to prove to himself that he could do this, that he could be virtually on his own for 4 months, earn money and support himself. He wanted to prove to his dad that he is good for something. He wanted to learn how to appreciate what he has, and understand why some things have to be worked towards. He wanted to strengthen our relationship. and He wanted to work towards a stable future -- a future for both of us.

I cried a lot during this discussion. But I knew that it would be okay. We would be okay. I began to see this as more of an opportunity than a set back. An opportunity for us to individually work towards bettering ourselves, and in turn bettering our relationship. We had become so accustomed to our relationship being a certain way and why fix what's not broken? It may not be broken, it may be stronger than it ever has been... but there are always areas to improve on, and I realize this now. There are so many areas that I want to work on in my own life, and I want to fix them before they affect my relationship.

It's not easy being 800 km apart but it has made me realize what I had and what I do have. It has shown me how to take notice of the little things, and that regardless of how hard it may be to share my feelings... that it will be okay in the end. It has made me realize what I want out of life, and that I have an amazing guy standing beside me the entire way. I now look forward to our conversations at the end of the day more than I ever had before, and I find myself noticing the little things to share with him that I may have overlooked before.

I still cry over it sometimes, and I would still rather he were here... but it's a good thing. and absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

Money, Money, Money.

I am basically alone in the office at the moment so I thought what a prime time to blog.

Well one week from today marks three months at this job. For those of you who know me at all, you know that this is a record. Since May of last year I have worked at: Michaels, Swiss Chalet, Garage Clothing, Michaels again, Winners, and Starbucks. The only job that lasted more than a week in that period was the two rounds of Michaels. Normally I am a very committed person, but I strongly dislike chaos, improper training, and working with or serving individuals between the ages of 11 and 19. Most jobs in that list fit into that category. Except for Michaels who I ended my on again off again relationship of two years with, late in November due to Management issues. I felt that I should be recognized for the work that I did. Weird.

Anyway, so I have been with United Drywall/Allwall LTD since January 30th. In that period I have developed an entirely new list of dislikes in the workplace. For instance, I have learned that I do not like construction guys. period. I also do not care for office drama, and power hungry females. I do not enjoy speaking to the clients that phone 7 times in an hour because the person they NEED to speak with is busy/out. But most of all, I do not care for sitting on my arse all day with absolutely nothing to do after 9. I spend a lot of time on face book. I do however like learning new things and have enjoyed the times that I service trained. I enjoyed getting to go into houses, and working on German Titov's house. He use to play for the Flames and he was there. I enjoy pay cheques at the end of the month, but I do not enjoy my salary. I enjoy the thought of getting promoted in the summer but I am not sure what I want to do in the fall.

and this is my current dilemma. I SHOULD go back to school but I do not know if I want to yet. If I get promoted then I will be making enough that I do not need to go back to school right away. Nic has one more year of school left, and we cannot afford for both of us to be in school at the same time. My parents are looking at moving out of the city, and in order to stay here with him I have to get a place... this typically does not go well for full time students working part time. My other option is Correspondence which I am personally quite fond of. I enjoy working at my own pace, and in my pj's. I could work full time and still take a course in the evenings, but be home with Nic at the same time. Personally I think that this is a great option. But then there is the problem of what to take?

I want to work with children or youth or the homeless. I want to help people. So I am thinking of taking Early Childhood Development, Child and Youth Counselling, or Psychology. Most people are supportive of this... however I have one friend who has convinced Nic and is now trying to convince me that it will not pay enough. I don't want to do it for the money. Starting out I would be making about what I am making now, maybe 5 or 10k more a year. Now, as a secondary income I think that is perfectly acceptable. Nic is looking at anywhere from 60-100k starting out with Electrical in a year. Why if it is just the two of us would we need more than that starting out? My parents never have years where the income is that high and there are 6 of us. This friend feels that I should be an accountant. Which I have also considered. When I started with United we briefly spoke of me taking a basic accounting course online during work hours. If this is still an option then by all means I will take it because in the long term there are all kinds of possibilities if I have it. But this isn't what I necessarily want to do, and why sacrifice happiness for money?

If my parents move out of the city, I need a place here. The most economical option is of course to rent a place with a couple of friends. at 18 and 19 we do not have the money to own of course, and it is temporary. One year. So the same friend that feels I should be in school this fall, but not for what I want is one of the people we'll be getting a place with. This friend, has most things handed to him on a silver platter. The plan originally was that his parents would buy a small townhouse in the city and the three of us would pay the mortgage. Houses are still ridiculously expensive here... like 350k for a tiny three bedroom townhouse. That's a good 2500 a month in rent alone depending on the down payment. This is not really affordable for two students, and only one person working full time. But this friend refuses to rent for someone else. Even though there are apartments available to rent for 1200. 400.00 each sounds much more reasonable. So it looks like Nic and I will be on our own to get a place if this friend doesn't cooperate, which again is more expensive. Especially if I got to school. It is a vicious circle.

Money, money, money. The cause and solution to most of life's problems.

Jenna Tagged Me

Ok. I've been tagged. This means that I have to post 6 weird things about me and then I can tag 4 other people. Here they are in no particular order....

1. If it is any warmer than -2 I often drive with my windows open. - Calgarian much?

2. I go to Petland atleast once a week to cuddle with the bunnies because I don't have one of my own anymore. I get very upset when they are not there the next week.

3. I hate my feet, and I scream if someone takes off my socks... but in the summer I always wear sandals.

4. I hate milk and peanut butter. The only time I like peanut butter... is on toast with a glass of milk.

5. When I was ten my dad made me drive my own car on the Autopia ride in Disneyland and I was too short to reach the pedals properly. Since then I absolutely refuse to drive anything else with wheels other than my car or nic's car. Go karts, buggies, bumper cars, etc included. I will throw a fit if forced to do so.

6. I absolutely love to sing, but I hate singing for anybody else. Despite being told that I should pursue it. I won't even sing happy birthday.

Ok, I tag um Kristin... and that's really the only other peson that reads my blog...

30 'secrets'

30 "secrets" about yourself...
1. Is that your natural hair colour? it's my natural color.. but it's dyed
2. where was your default pic taken? at a park
3. What's your middle name?Laurren
4. Your current relationship status? Dating
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?It would appear so
6. What is your current mood? yucky? haha
7. What colour underwear are you wearing?red
8. What makes you happy? lazy nights
9. Are you musically inclined? not really
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be? who I was, shaped who I am now so changing who I was would mean changing who I am now and I don't want to do that.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be? a rabbit
12. Ever had a near death experience?not really
13. Something you do a lot? work and sleep
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now? nothing
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?website
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you? Eddie Murphy and Amanda Bynes
17. When was the last time you cried?a week or two ago
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?not solo
19. If you could have one super power what would it be? time travel
20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?How they dress
21. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Iced Green Tea
22. What's your biggest secret? I am emotionally weaker than I let on
23. What's your favorite color? pink
24. When was the last time you lied? yesterday.. wasn't really a lie just withholding certain information haha
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?occasionally
26. Do you have braces?did in jr high
27. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I tend to hold too much in
28. what are you eating or drinking at the moment?nothing going to have lunch soon
29. Do you speak any other language?no
30. What's your favorite smell? right after it rains.

Colds, Love and Rascal Flatts

I promised Jenna that I would write a blog soon. So here it is.

I feel for my poor coworkers having to listen to me hack and sneeze and sniffle all day long. I have been sick for three weeks now.. with this ridiculous never ending cold! Not only is it horrible but it keeps circulating through my house so as soon as I start to feel better it comes back! It started just before Valentines and I have missed a day and a half of work so far. Of course now.. two weeks later it is much worse than it was when I took time off work and now I don't feel like I can miss more work. Nic thinks that it is a sinus infection... :(. Whatever it is I just want it to go away.

On Saturday Nic took me out for dinner. I was sick on Valentines day and I did not feel like going out. So Nic promised that we would go out for dinner shortly after. Last week I was starting to feel better so we thought that Saturday would be okay... but sure enough I was sick again. We went out anyway. He took me for Thai food and it was very cute. We only stayed long enough to eat a quick main course but he spent he rest of the night taking care of me even though I'm gross right now. and the Flames beat the Oilers 4-2 at the Rexall Place. hehe.

On the 22nd was the Rascal Flatts concert which despite being sick was absolutely amazing! The boys are very very talented and were great at making the fans feel like part of the show. I am crossing my fingers for Keith Urban tickets for my birthday because I cannot afford the tickets right now. Keith Urban sold out within 8 minutes! and they had to schedule a second show. If I have to choose though.. the Rascal Flatts concert was definitely worth the money and possibly missing Keith Urban.

I really do not have much to say. Work is going well and is more exciting now that they have started finding more for me to do. It is nice to have money again. Other than work I do not do much. I am tired by the time I get home and usually just eat then take it easy. Weekends I spend with Nic, and they are always very nice. and really that is about it.

Take care.

Update Life

Since my last blog I have started my new job. I am doing reception for United Drywall/AllWall/Mexi-can/and KDS. It's crazy sometimes. I am in my third week here and it is nice because now they have found more work for me to do. Instead of spending most of my day playing games. I highly enjoy the environment here especially compared to retail but I do miss the pace of retail. I also miss working 5 minutes from my house... rather than an hour long commute (mostly weather related) on the Deerfoot, and my lower tax bracket.

Valentines Day:
This was also the one year anniversary of the day that Nic and I became official. Killed two birds with one stone... haha. When I spoke to him on my way into work we decided that we were going to wait until the weekend to celebrate. We had gone to the Flames game with my parents the night before, and because I have to be up for work at 6 everyday two late nights in a row weren't a great idea. But as I was leaving the office, he walked up with a big bouquet of flowers ... pink roses of course.. and white flowers and lots of baby's breath. Aw. We decided that we'd just have a quiet night at home (yeah...right...in my zoo!?). So we just went back to my house.

For Christmas Nic had bought me a white gold and diamond heart shaped pendant necklace. It's very pretty and I am very proud of his taste...but when we were in Panorama over New Years the chain broke in my sleep. So I put the charm on a chain that I had at home. He bought me a brand new white gold chain yesterday for it, making sure to ask the ladies at the jewelry store which chain was the sturdiest. Aw.

Valentines was complete with a night of watching a girly show and How To Deal. and of course a card that brough tears to my eyes.

Maybe it's just enjoyable when you have someone to love.... but single people have 364 other days a year :)

Inspired by Jenna

Things that I am grateful for in my life right now:

1. An amazing new job opportunity. Tomorrow I start at United Drywall (exciting place for a girl hey?). I will be doing reception for two companies filled with employees that are all atleast 5 years older than me! It will be a learning experience. Especially with a half an hour (on a good day) commute on the Deerfoot twice a day. However I will be making 500.00 per month than I was at Michaels.. and that is definitely worth it.

2. My absolutely amazing boyfriend. With our one year mark just around the corner I have been thinking about this one a ton lately. I am extremely grateful to have found someone who makes me so incredibly happy. Someone who takes the time to do the little things and who takes notice when I do little things for him. Someone who makes me smile great big genuine smiles all the time. A boy who will cook for me... even if it comes out of a box or the freezer. A boy who CALLS ME every day to check up on life. A boy that I can be silly with.

3. My parents. For providing me with a roof over my head, food on the table, guidance, love and support. Even though I am ungrateful towards them at times, right now I'm very happy to have them. For the chance to take the time to figure life out even if it is a slow process.

I may not have all of the answers. Solutions for everything. However these three things are a strong foundation and I am sure the rest will follow.

Women

god described his creation of woman to an angel:

she must be washable but not made of plastic she must have 200 moving parts which all must be replaceable

she must function on all kinds of foods

she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time

she must give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart, all with only two hands

she must cure herself when sick & she can work 18 hours a day

she must be soft, but made strong - you can't imagine what she can endure & overcome

she must be able to not only think, but reason & negotiate

she must leak tears to express her grief, her doubts, her love, her lonliness, her suffering, & her pride

women have strengths that amaze men:

she can handle trouble & carry heavy burdens

she holds happiness, love, & opinions

she smiles when she feels like screaming

she sings when she feels like crying, cries when she is happy, & laughs when she is afraid

she fights for what she believes in

she stands upagainst injusticeshe doesnt take 'no' for an answer when she can see a better solution

she gives herself so her family can thriveshe takes her friend to the doctor if she is afraid

her love is unconditional

she cries when her kids are victorious

she is happy when her friends do well

she is glad when she hears of a birth or wedding

her heart is broken when a next of kin or friend dies but she finds strength to get on with her life

she knows that a kiss & a hug can heal a broken heart

there is only one thing wrong with her:

she forgets what she is worth

-Annonymous

Love

I love love. and being in love. and falling in love. I love mutual love. can't get enough of eachother love. poking eachother love. lots of little kisses love. always holding hands love. can't fall asleep love. text messages just because love. silly love. tickle fights love. driving vibe love. cuddling lots love. different kind of love. laying in bed talking love. sharing life with him love. surprise dates love. an always changing love. always new love. never ending love.

Nothing much to say

Stampede 2006

I know, I am a horrible blogger. To anyone that checks regularly for updates I apologize.



I passed all of my courses and finished high school with atleast 15 credits I didn't need. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do in the next year. At this point I am working fulltime and looking into a few different options. Nic is taking Electrical Engingeering at SAIT starting later this month, and then he is looking into transferring to either University of Victoria or Lakehead (in Thunder Bay) in two years. It is hard to make my plans around that. Preferrably I should retake math for a higher grade, and take another science which would mean starting post secondary either in February, or next September. I might just continue working fulltime, and if we're together and I go with him I can take something there. We're still trying to figure that out.

I am back at Michaels... again. I played around with a couple of other jobs after I finished with exams but I didn't find anything that worked out. The manager at Michaels called me and offered me 'Full Time Lead Supervisor" and a raise to come back.. so I did. It is twice the money per month that I was making a couple of months ago so it's working out for now.

I also finally got my license. It took me two months to go back for my test after failing it back in may.. but I did it. With only 10 points taken off -- for not checking my rear view mirror often enough. Now I'm working on getting my own vehicle. It has definitely made life much easier being able to drive.

I really don't have a whole lot to say, especially for someone who hasn't blogged in two months. But there you have it, a brief update.

Alysha

Grad Pics

Saturday May 27, 2006.

Grandma & Grandpa Eagle and I

Nic, Rebecka (his sister) and I

My parents, Nic and I

Rebecka and I dancing

Nic in Cap and Gown

Nic and I

Shaking the principals hand after the ceremony.

Europe

Europe.. it was definitely a once in a life time experience... full of up's and down's but overall pretty good. I will upload some pictures onto a website and then post the link in a later blog.

Nic and his mom picked me up at 3:00am on the 13th and we were at the airport for 3:30. This was only the beginning of a long and gruesome day of travelling. We had stop overs in Toronto, Halifax, and a breif stop in Newfoundland to pick up passengers. We t just under a full 24 hours travelling before arriving in London. We only spent two days in london, one of which being the day we arrived. While in London we saw Windsor Castle, Westminster Abby, a few cathedrals, attended Mass and went to dinner at a Midevil Banquet.. amongst other sight seeing attractions. It was a busy two days!

Our third day was spent travelling from London to France, via bus and ferry. Nothing too exciting happened on day three. We spent the remainder of our trip in France, seeing all the major tourist points such as The Versailles, Notre Dame, more Cathedrals, The Louvre, Arc de Triumph, Monte se Michael, as well as Juno Beach and the Juno Beach Canadian Memorial. Our time in France was just as rushed as London. Our days were full of many tours, some shopping, and taking in as much french culture as any of us could stand. Evenings were often spent wondering around near the hotel, or playing cards in the lobby.

Our final day in Paris we were given four hours of free time to shop and such. We spent ours trying to find a particular stand on the other side of where we had been... one we never found... but we got lots of sight seeing in that day. After a quick stop at the hotel to change and freshen up we got on the Metro and headed for dinner. After dinner we went on a 'moonlit' cruise down the Seynne river as the sun was setting. Very pretty! We then went up the Eiffel tower. I am not a fan of heights or elevators so I was really happy to get back down down but the view was amazing... and kisses at the top were pretty awesome as well. We then headed back to the hotel to pack our bags and catch a few hours of sleep.

We began our venture home at 2:00 am Calgary time on the 22nd and arrived home at 6:00pm. Another long and gruesome day of travelling. Starting with 5 hours spent at the Paris airport. Someone had left their bag unattended and people had to be brought in to make sure there wasn't a bomb or anything in it. In total our flight was delayed two hours, which pushed our connecting flight in Toronto back as well. I had a horrible cold at this point, and found the flying very difficult. I could not sleep because I was either too congested, or constantly blowing my nose and if I did manage to fall asleep it was for very short periods of time. It was definitely a relief to land in Calgary.

I don't think that I would head back to Europe right away.. or atleast not under the same cirumstances. I would much rather go to an all-inclusive resort for a week. However for the money it cost it was a fairly good trip and I'm glad I went.

A Year of Changes

I am sitting here 'dog-sitting' Nic's dog who is asleep and watching the hockey game and I thought to myself, "what a perfect blogging opportunity this is". So there you go.. for the first time in almost three months you're going to get an update. Originally I wanted to write this blog on my birthday but I've been crazy busy this week so although it revolves around 'being a year older and wiser' it's a few days late.

A year ago if you had asked me what I wanted for my birthday I would have replied, without a doubt "him back"- him being Mark. I also would have asked to be living elsewhere, and of course for other small materialistic things. When faced with the same question this year I didn't have an answer for anybody. Oh how frustrated they all were with me! Funny how much difference a year makes.

Turning 18 was a fairly big deal. Of course there was the obvious factors such as legally being able to drink. But turning 18 wasn't about that for me. In fact this weekend is my first official weekend as an adult and I can honestly say that in the past week I haven't had a single drop of alcohol. Not to say that I won't in the future but it hasn't been a priority. As soon as the clock struck 12 to signal the end of sunday and the beginning of monday I of course changed my age on a few websites but the first thing I did as an adult was apply for my own air miles card. Small and insignificant but being able to do that was a big deal for me.

Over the past year I've learned to take notice of the small things. I've always been relatively low maintainence but in the back of my mind kept high expectations for myself and those around me. Overcoming this is one of my biggest accomplishments. I realized that I didn't need a guy in my life after a messy break up with Mark then a failed attempt at rekindling a jr. high relationship. I was perfectly content to do things like go and swing at the park talking with my girls. Of course this didn't last long as I soon begun my long persuit of Nic.

I learned that it was more important to take the time (and trust me it was a fair bit of time for two high school students) to really get to know Nic before taking that step into a relationship again. I knew from the first day that I met him that one day I would get to call him mine - but it took 108 days (not that I was counting) for that day to come. If I could go back in time, I would gladly repeat every one of those days and I would do things in the exact same order. Taking the time to notice and appreciate the little things, that were done as friends that most people want in a relationship and just enjoying each others company. A lesson I wish I could have learned earlier as the reward has been nothing short of amazing.

I have learned that it's okay to step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. I still struggle daily with worrying too much in social situations but I've branched out more this year. Attending school events was a small part of that in the beginning and now in 5 days I will be boarding a plan with over 3 dozen of my classmates and teachers. If someone had suggested the trip to me a year ago I would have flat out refused because I did not want to meet new people.

Originally I refused to move out of my parents home until I could afford a mortgage but I have slowly come to realize that no one can at 18 and have come to peace with the idea of renting. At 16/17 I wanted nothing more than to move out and although the feeling is still stronger I've realized that it will be a huge commitment and that I'm not in as big of a hurry as I once was. I do not plan to move out until the fall at the earliest but it's another one of those fun adult decisions.

There you have it... a relatively brief update on life in it's current state but an update non-the-less.

A random update?

It has been a very long time since I wrote a blog that goes into some detail. So for those of you who actually read my blog... here you go.

Life has been crazy busy lately! It is unbelievable. A few weeks ago I decided that I would join my school on a trip to Europe over spring break. I am super excited! However I've started learning just how much stuff like that costs. The trip itself is an excellant deal, but as a full time student working part time... making that money has not been too easy. I had to pick up a lot of extra hours in december at work, and when January 4th came around it was very sad to see my bank balance drop from over two thousand dollars, down to thirty-six cents.

It is really weird to not have money at my disposal these days. I haven't had less than 500.00 in the bank in the past year. *sigh*... definitely looking forward to the end of the month when the bills are paid off and I can start saving again.

On the topic of January. It is exam month. Although unlike the majority of my peers, I am not stressed about my diploma exams... it will be nice when all the studying and preparation is done with and I can have a week off to just relax. I have exams in Biology 30 and Social 30, on top of finishing off my optional courses. In february I begin Math 30 and English 30-1. I am debating dropping 'Marketing and Management' for Legal Studies advanced. I am also looking to pick up Psychology 30 through ADL or Chinook College. I am considering going for a degree in sociology, then working with the homeless. If this fails, I'll have a decent transcript for a dental assistant.

So many choices to make right now. My 18th birthday is in April, and I am trying to figure out life outside of my parents home. Who knew that just looking into buying a house could be so stressful! I definitely will not be able to move out at my current salary. Which means that once school is finished in June I have to start looking into better paying full time jobs. Oh the joys of growing up!

On a more fun note... I have met a new boy. Many of you have heard about him, and some of you even got to see pictures at christmas dinner... haha. However for those of you that haven't had that priveldge. We met at the beginning of the year through school -- and apparently our grandparents knew eachother way back in the day. We met in person at a few mutual friend events, and we've been talking ever since. He amazes me. It is so refreshing to hang out with someone just for the sake of hanging out, to be able to do the little things for hours and not get tired of eachother. We spent New Years eve together, and I could not have asked for a better night. As mentioned in an earlier blog. We went to a movie last weekend, and even though it wasn't an official date he insisted on paying for both tickets and snacks -- again something that I am not use to. See blog on 'perfection'. It was so nice to be out with someone, without any pressure to be anything. We've got a few plans coming up, and I am sure they will be just as nice.

All in all life is pretty awesome right now :)

Perfection.

Late night movie, silly fights over the arm-rest, giving in and sharing, numb arms, too comfortable to move, singing along to the radio, cuddeling, tickle fights, first kisses, falling asleep, waking up with him, long good-byes in the car, big hugs, lots of kisses. *sigh* perfection.